[Transcript starts at 1:10]
Hello, hello, hello, my podcast people. And thank you for joining me for yet another episode of my favorite podcast. We got no Rupert today. If you're watching on the YouTubes, thank you. We got no Rupert. If you're listening, we got no Rupert. I did actually have someone that came from listening over on Spotify and came all the way to YouTube.
to leave a comment about what shows to watch. Thank you. I'm actually watching, uh, because I first, I record these and I say so much and then I forget what I recorded and I asked, but I am currently watching, or Lex and I are currently watching the Santa Clarita Diet. Love it. I love a zombie anything. And this one's nice because it's like heart pounding.
Light hearted, I almost said heartfelt, not heartfelt, light hearted. Um, and I was at a wedding, a wedding, we were at a wedding this past weekend and we were sitting at the table talking about TV and things and zombies came up and people were like, have you seen that? And I was like, no. And then they were like, what?
So Lex and I are binging that. Um, mostly I'm binging it. I really like it. Lex is tolerating it. Um. But it's been great. Uh, either way, welcome to the episode. It is Monday, November 11th. When this drops, when you're watching it, thank you for watching. Thank you for listening. Uh, I am actually coming with this desk up a little bit.
I am currently recording this the day before the election, and it continues to be wild to me that my episodes will drop after like. A major event has transpired, but like I recorded before and something major can happen, which could always be the case. But if you're, I used to record them the night before, um, so now as a week in between, it's just like a lot happens in a week.
So, you know, perhaps there's a lesson there, uh, things move forward, whether we want them to or not, my HSP. Highly sensitive person self has definitely been consumed by all the election stuff. Um, and I don't say that in a bad way. I, I am not mad that I've been thinking about it a lot. I have big feelings about hatred and negativity and intentionally making other people's lives worse.
So. Been thinking a lot about it, but Lex and I are actually leaving in like three days for Cabo. We're going to go to Cabo with, with next, with Natalie and Dan. There's a couple that we go to Vegas with and it's been, it's cold in Vegas this time of year. And so last year we were like, let's go somewhere warm.
So we're going to Mexico. Um, and we'll actually be back on Monday, uh, which is the day that this episode drops. And again, my brain continues to be like baffled and perplexed and my mind blown by the fact that I'm recording. Episodes in the present that will go out in the future. But when you listen to them, that means that I've recorded them in the past.
And it's just like a bit of, uh, back to the future there. Right. So, um, I'll update all of y'all on the Cabo trip in two weeks, because I'm actually gonna record two episodes today since I said I'm recording, I'm returning next Monday and that's my recording day. So I want to get them all done today. Um, but follow along on Instagram for the live updates.
Although it doesn't even matter because. This is going to come out after the, after the fucking trip. So hopefully you follow along. You already saw. Um, but something I've been thinking a lot about during this election season is what prompted this episode. So let's hop on into that, right? The question that I asked in the intro and the question, that's the title of this episode is who's your biggest fan.
So growing up for me definitely is my mom, right? And I attribute a ton of my self confidence and self esteem to that of note. Uh, it was her presence. And support. There's like her being there that made me feel that way. She never had to like, say to me, like, I'm your number one fan or like, you're the best one out there.
It was the fact that she was like, always fucking there and taking me all these things. And she had other kids, you know, I have siblings. I was gonna say she had other kids, but like, that sounds weird. Um, but I have siblings and she was always there and doing the most. And I was just like, yeah, she's my biggest fan.
I also had an aunt, um, and I'll say aunt like this for those of you watching, but I, I use. Quotation marks. Uh, she's not actually like my biological aunt. She's my mom's friend, Auntie Josephine. And she always would tell me, and she's still alive. It's just like the way that I'm saying it makes it sound like she's not.
She's still alive. Um, but she would, when I was younger, she would always tell me like, you're going to be on a stage one day. You're going to be on stage one day. And anytime that I'm on a stage, I think about her and I text her actually just texted her a few days ago and I sent her the Tina Dominguez fucking crushed the video from boss up and I sent her and I was like you've always said that I'm going to be on a stage and just like thank you for always believing in me, but.
Uh, fast forward to today, both Auntie Josephine and my mom are still in my corner and Lex would probably argue that she is my biggest fan, but what this episode is about and what I believe to be true for me is that I am my biggest fan and this is not at all to discount or discredit the support of others.
It is so important. We are a social species and it's so great, it's such a great feeling, right? And I will say when others believe in you, believe them. But I want to highlight. The importance of believing in and cheering for yourself. And at the end of the day, being your own biggest fan. So I believe to me, all of this.
It's in my opinion, I'm not a therapist and the little intro part that if you're watching this on YouTube, you didn't see the, hear the intro part, but a little intro, I was like, maybe therapists are gonna be mad at me, hopefully not, I don't know, this is all for me and my opinion, but I do believe that this is at the heart of intrinsic motion, intrinsic motivation, so if we look at the self, if you look at self determination theory and look at the chart that, that, uh, depicts it, uh, We see a secondary phase of external regulation where we do things because we don't want to let someone down.
Right. We do things because we want to make other people proud. This is not a bad thing, but it's also not sustainable and it's, it is not at the heart of what we're doing. Of it's not at the foundation of internal or intrinsic, uh, motivation, right? It is at the, that, that behavior is part of external motivation, which is a nice step on our way to internal or intrinsic motivation.
And so. To me, for me and my humble maestro opinion, when we are looking at healthy striving and achieving and personal fulfillment, to me, it comes from, that comes from intrinsic motivation, internal motivation, right? And, and intrinsic regulation, which I internalize as. Being your biggest fan, right? You're doing things because they make you happy, right?
That you're doing them for yourself. So to bring things back to the election, uh, the reason that I was thinking about this so much is largely because I do believe that our desires to belong and to fit in, which are very different things. Shout out to Laura Jean in that episode that we did, right? Uh, our desires for those things, namely to belong, but also to fit in.
They, those desires can sway our judgment, right? And they can sway our actions. Something that I believe that has, something I believe that has, that has allowed me to have unwavering, uh, you know, conviction in my beliefs is my hyper independence. Now I know when I use that word, hyper independence, it is traditionally defined as a trauma response.
And I don't think we have to look at that as a bad thing. You know, this here I am being in my biggest fan and being like, I'm going to champion this. But. This is my, this is my podcast. I'm gonna do what I want. Uh, but I don't believe that trauma responses have to be a negative thing. I, because if I think about it, like scars, which are a trauma response, they can be amazing and they can be protective.
It's, you know, when we have too much of something or at the wrong time, the wrong amount, uh, that can become problematic. But I intentionally started this episode out by talking about my mom, because I feel like anytime that trauma is brought up, we like immediately throw it onto our parents, namely. The mom.
Y'all already fucking know I'm not gonna do that. Moms are superheroes, like, in my mind they could do no wrong if that statement triggered you. I am sorry. Alright, so not this time. We are not putting the trauma I'm not putting it on the mom. If I'm going to identify a traumatic time or experience in my life It would simply be me growing up and looking and feeling and being very different than those around me Which I do not think is a bad thing I think it's actually a very positive thing.
Lex and I talked about this a lot this past weekend and how when you're different, it, uh, Makes you realize that there's different ways of living and different ways of being, and they are all okay. And they can all be okay. And when you're just around everyone that looks like you and thinks like you, and is like you, I think that lends itself to you just not even being aware of what you don't know.
And it's just like, well, this is the only way. Cause it's the only way that I've ever been told when you are different than everyone else, you're like, but there has to be a different way. Or there has to be at least more than one way, because everyone is like that and I'm like this and I'm not bad.
Although society may tell you like. You are bad because you're different. But my brain was not wired like that and my mom supported me. And so I was just like, but I'm, I'm like this and I'm not bad. Especially because I was getting validation from what society Conventionally rewards, which is like being smart, being good at sports.
So society is telling me like, you're good. We like you like this, but I'm like, but I'm gay and black and female and Puerto Rican and, but, but, but, and, you know, having to reconcile those things. And I was like, so I'm not bad. All right. And my brain went to, well, there has to be more than one way for things to be good.
There has to be one more than one way to do things. And I think that inherently makes you more open minded to things because you're just like my existence, like. Requires that so circling back to what I was saying if I'm going to identify a traumatic experience or a traumatic time It would simply be me growing up and looking and feeling and being very different than those around me, right?
Black, Puerto Rican, gay, into sports, female, right? In a very white town and then a very white college and then a very white grad school of note for grad school. I went to New York city or I went to NYU, which is in New York city. And it was just very intentional, right? To try and, uh, make that people, you know, my surroundings less homogenous in some ways.
Um, And more homosexual, I'm going to say that, uh, because this is my podcast. But I do believe that when, you know, when we look, that was funny. I'm going to say that was funny. I wasn't in the script. I thought it was script. I have an outline, but it wasn't in there. Uh, but when we look at learned behaviors, From when we're young, oftentimes when we look at them is like, we kind of, we'll tie them into survival, right, where I, yeah, ideally you want to be thriving, but the things we learn is like how to stay alive and how to make it through and how to fit in because fitting in does lead to you being part of society and being part of society as part of part of survival, right, even if you're not belonging, which we know is also very important for surviving and for thriving, especially, uh, but when you look at And feel different for me, that behavior of survival.
What was the survival behaviors was knowing that I could count on myself. It was that, uh, hyper independence. I knew I could count on my mom. Absolutely. I knew I could count on my mom. That was never a question, but she also wasn't black. My mom's Puerto Rican. I like stole her face, but she is. Not black. My dad is black.
She wasn't gay. I, she wasn't exactly like me. So side note here, a little sidebar. I do understand the desire that many people have to learn from folks who look like them and have the same lived experience. It makes sense. Cause I'm saying right here, like I want someone the same lived experience as me.
And I like never ever fucking saw that or found that even went to college. And I was like, where's all the gay people? There's all the black people. Versus people like me. Huh. That's weird. All right, but my experience in not having that is why I'm such a proponent for realizing that people don't have to look like you and they don't have to have the same lived experience in order for you to learn from them and benefit from them, you know, from what they're saying.
So that will, you know, just my little, like another time that I'm on a soapbox this episode, but this hyper independence, this, I can count on myself 12 times out of 10, this, I will never let myself down. This, I will always bet on myself. This, I am I. Own biggest cheerleader. This is something that Jill and I speak about a ton and it actually came up recently on an interview that I did with Annie Miller for her program.
So for tying this all into online business, for the sake of, you know, the theme of this podcast and being about online business, there you go. All right. So. The long and the short there being that it is great to be able to ask for help. That was like a little stumble. It is great to be able to ask for help.
Clearly it's difficult for me to ask for help. I couldn't even fucking say it. Uh, but it is great to be able to ask for help. It is great to have people that you know, you can count on. It's the best feeling. It's great when people can count on you. I know if you're watching this, you're like me, you love that.
We are a social species. We want to belong. And in my humble opinion, my humble maestro opinion at the heart of these healthy relationships at the heart of belonging and not just fitting in is a commitment to yourself. It is being your own biggest fan, being committed to your own values and your own happiness.
So that you can show up authentically. I hate that word, but that's the best word for this and from there You can inspire and encourage and support other people to do the same. All right, I'm looking at time. This is good This is a good amount of time I'm gonna wrap this up because I got another episode to record.
I got a lot of stuff to do today Any therapists out there that are listening? Hopefully you didn't roll your eyes too much But this is my podcast. I'm gonna do what I want Because I'm my biggest fan But yeah, I'm Honestly, it has been great to hear, um, from all of you, from some of you, I should say, um, in the past episodes, I've been doing some, you know, calls to interaction of like, Hey, hit me up if you have thoughts.
So I'm going to continue with that. Cause it is really nice to hear from you. I may ask for more clarification, namely around the episode. Cause I'm just like, sometimes I know I put a lot of content. Some people are listening to episodes that I, from, from a few weeks ago. And I'm like, I don't, I don't even know what you're talking about, what I said, um, but I still want to have the conversations and I still want to hear from you.
It really does make my day. So hit me up, hit me back, uh, discuss the things, share your thoughts. Number is 310 737 2345. Slide into the DMs at The Immovement Maestro. As always, the DMs will be, not the DMs, the text will be green because it's my sideline. I do have an iPhone, don't worry. Uh, but just giving you a heads up that it, I promise it will be me.
All right. All right. Looking at the time. Great time here. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for everything. I had fun with this episode. As always, endlessly appreciative for every single one of you. Until next time, friends. Maestro, out.
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