[Transcript starts at 0:39]
Hello, hello, hello, my podcast people, and thank you for joining me for Yeti. Another episode of my favorite podcast. If you are listening, watching, tuning in on the day that it drops, this is what day is it? Monday, March 10th. Welcome to March 10th. Uh, y'all right off the bat, actually today we're talking about giving grace, but right off the bat, I told you last episode that I'd update you on Lex's surprise birthday.
Get away. It was fucking great. Fucking phenomenal. So, uh, I surprised you with the trip to Santa Barbara. Y'all, I love Santa Barbara. It was our first time going, my first time going, her first time going, and it was so great. So, I used Vrbo, uh, I guess formally known as VRBO. I actually used, uh, Verbo, like way back when I was in college, like I remember going on spring break with like having no money, but like renting through Verbo, not through Airbnb and definitely called it VRBO, but use Verbo.
Uh, why? Because. Airbnb's founder, I think I said this in the last episode. He's gone doge. Fuck that guy. Um, but the owner, Ann, she's 85. I actually wouldn't have guessed that. She's 85. She was phenomenal. She actually does not list on Airbnb. Only lists on, on Verbo. She's very selective with, with who she, with who she, who she allows to stay.
Um, you have to like, Message her first. And I was like, I respect that. Cause that's what I would do. Um, she's been living in Santa Barbara for 30 years. The property was gorgeous. Like y'all, I love a view. I've always found the water to be incredibly calming. I don't go in it. That's not calming. But being near the water, uh, I think because I am an earth sign and I'm Capricorn, I like the opposite there.
The water, I find it incredibly grounding just to be near it. Uh, incredibly balancing, I guess I should say. And I always, I've always loved a view. Um, but I don't like necessarily want to be in a tall building. So this was, it was amazing. It was up because the way that Santa Barbara is that you're up in the hills and the view just unobstructed.
It rained on the second day we were there and it didn't matter. It was still beautiful. The property just gorgeous, uh, on Saturday morning. So we get to Friday, um, uh, met her. I could actually, she has a cat. Couldn't, I couldn't pull into the driveway because the cat was like, no, you have to get out of the car first.
So I got a cat out of the car, said hi to Ms. Kitty. She's the official welcome wagon, apparently just great vibes from the gecko. Um, And was like, okay, you know, go do it. Shows the sources to the property. And then she was like, tomorrow morning, sleep in. She's like, people come here, they sleep in till nine, 10 o'clock, 11, whatever you want, whenever you're ready, text me and we can meet outside.
And I'll tell you all the things to do in Santa Barbara that you have to do and all the things that you. don't fucking have to do and you should skip. Um, so we spent Saturday, you know, Saturday morning we did that, took Lex for breakfast. Um, the weather mostly cooperated for the trip. Saturday we toured, uh, Santa Barbara.
Then we watched the matrix. Lex has never seen the matrix somehow. So, uh, we watched the matrix in the hot tub. I set it up with speakers and it was fucking awesome. We went on a hike on Sunday, moose. Loved it. The trip was like for moose, basically. We did take moose, um, that was like one of the stipulations I had when I was looking for places.
Make sure it's dog friendly. Um, we fed Anne's iguana. She has these big ass fucking iguanas, like 30 pounds. These things are huge. Just prehistoric. Got to feed them and pet them. Then we got sushi and went back home on, on Sunday night. So we were there Friday to Sunday. I, um, was gonna stay till Monday, but it made sense to just stay till, you know, late Sunday.
It's only an hour and a half, hour and 45 minutes away. Just, we will absolutely be going back. 15 Recommend it. Just. Stay there. Stay in Santa Barbara in general. Super liberal town. Just super friendly. Everyone was smiling and saying hi. I actually went to get donuts for Lex on Saturday. This man, this big black man, was walking towards me on the phone, on his cell phone.
Puts the phone down, like, towards his chest and is, to say hello to me! To say, good morning, how are you? Got off the phone! Like, it was Just incredible. So 10 recommend, um, and we'll definitely, you'll be going back, but one of the coolest parts for me and Lena Lux and I were talking about this was that it really ties into the commitment that we have to, to changing things in, you know, that I have, especially in, in changing my day to day, I don't want to speak for Lex, that's why I changed that statement there, but, um, You know, I have a very big commitment to changing things in my day to day that speak to the world I want to live in, to, that speak to the world I want to create.
These small action items that I do believe add up. So first off, using verbo, right? If we don't want billionaires To exist. Like, we gotta stop giving them money. Um, at least, if we don't want shitty billionaires to be in charge, if we don't want billionaires to have so much power, we can't give money to the shitty ones, so, switch to that.
Um, second part was looking for a spot to rent that wasn't an empty house, um, and that wasn't an empty house that was owned by a corporation, right? Like, often times I'd look for places that are, they're standalone, because you don't want to, like, necessarily deal with anything, but. Now, if we want housing reform, we can't be booking portfolio properties, or, you know, I cannot be booking portfolio properties, I will speak for myself.
And then we also took the time to intentionally interact with the owner, like, it wasn't like there was like, it was like an adjoined place, it wasn't quite an ADU, but it was kind of an ADU, because like, there was a shared wall, but like, You have to like walk through her, her house or anything to get to the, to the, where we were staying.
But, like, we intentionally took time to hang out with her. You know, correspondence was via text, sending her pictures. Uh, met her on Saturday for the run. Next week, I could have been like, no, no, we're good. But, like Yeah, I absolutely met up with her to talk about the best the best places to go and you know I had we asked her I asked her to to have a drink She was like I was like do you drink and she's like that doesn't really agree with me and I was like, okay That's fine.
I texted her later pictures of I love making Aperol spritzes So I texted her later a picture of two of them outside We had like a charcuterie board that Lex made and I was just like listen I know you said that you don't like Drinks, but if that changes or if you want to just like have a some other kind of drink I'm happy to make you one tomorrow and she was like, I would love that We didn't actually do it because it rained that day and I was like, okay rain check But you know taking the time to actually interact with someone, you know?
And to me, this is like, if we want people to band together so that we can fight back against the man, we gotta be willing to spend time with new people, right? I totally understand the desire to, you know, want to escape and then have solitude and privacy, which we did have privacy. But I will say that I absolutely enjoyed this trip more than the Joshua trip that we took last.
Joshua Tree. Trip that we took last year, and l and I were talking about this. It was, it was great. Um, but it was like, you know, a portfolio property. It was produced, you know, pretty secluded. Very secluded, um, because it was a portfolio property, like, they're kind of just like cold, like it was modern and like kind of fancy, but like, there's no like culture in it.
There's no like, sense of life in it. That was really different than this, than this place. This was not some fancy, you know, a DU that we were in by any means, but just it was. Great. Like I felt really rested. I was really happy. Just, I, I really, really enjoyed it. So we'll definitely be going back, but, and, and it ties into the changes, the daily changes that we've been wanting to make.
So Lex loved it as well. Um, and we got to experience Santa Barbara together for the first time, which is really cool, right? It's not like a place where I've already been. She hasn't been there. We got to experience it for the first time together, which was overall, overall great. Um, but. Speaking of Lex, I was able to surprise her because, number one, it's Lex, but number two, I didn't tell anyone anything about it.
So, on Thursday night, I went to the store to get groceries and fill the car with gas, and I told her that I was preparing for the economic blackout on Friday. And she didn't question it. Which, in all fairness, like, if you know me, you know me. If you stay ready, you don't have to get ready. Um, and so there's no question to it.
Um, core question about it. But, for those of you thinking like, what could happen because of an economic blackout? I don't fucking know. I'm not taking any chances. Like, let me, it takes two seconds for me to go and get stuff. So, uh, went and got things, and then just ended up taking them up to the, to the house, to the house with us.
But, this is a perfect segue for today's main topic, which is giving grace. So, Lex and I both participated in the economic blackout on Friday. And we didn't buy any shit. Perhaps you're saying, yes, but you bought shit on Thursday. Yes, you are correct. Um, but in my defense, if there was any defense, it was gas and food.
I didn't like go on a shopping spree. Um, or like go buy random shit or go on Amazon. Definitely not anything from Amazon. So, you know, like I discussed in last week's episode, I'm not using Amazon. I actually, today, canceled my Audible subscription. It took me time because I needed to find three more books that I needed, wanted to buy.
Um, but canceled today. Fuck that. No Airbnb. I haven't run the Instagram intensive this year, and I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm still sitting with it, and honestly, I'm not like thinking about it a ton. It's not like every day I'm thinking about it. Um, I don't really feel like running it, and I trust my gut, and when things feel good, I do them quickly.
When they don't, I have no problem pulling back. So I'm not running it. Like, yes, could I use the money from it? Absolutely. But obviously this is, this is bigger than that. I can't be out here running a program that encourages people to use a platform that so clearly doesn't give a fuck about us. Like we knew it didn't give a fuck about us, but now it's like extra bad that doesn't give a fuck about us.
Yes, I'm still on Instagram and I'll continue to be on Instagram and I'm just going to continue to assess. My presence on there being on there and then weigh out the pros versus the cons and right now the pro is so much bigger Which is that I can reach and impact so many people my people are on there They're looking looking for things or listening to looking for voices and so I can be there too but if that changes then I'll change that but The giving grace part, which is what this episode is about.
Last week, there was lots of chatter on threads about the economic blackout. And some folks were basically shitting on other folks for what they considered to be such a quote unquote small effort, or such like a late effort, right? Folks were out there saying like, I've been doing this forever, where the fuck were you?
Or folks saying like, it's only a single day, it's not gonna be anything. Boycotts that have actually worked were like 18 months long.
Y'all. We gotta extend grace. If you're listening to this and you're saying I ain't gotta do shit, you are also absolutely right. Autonomy is sexy. But, some people, myself included, for certain things, are really just now having, having, wow, having our eyes open to things. Grace. I will also say, The flip side of this, or if we're going to find value in this, the valuable thing about this, the beneficial thing about people just opening their eyes now, if we're going to try to find and perhaps force a silver lining, is that I think of it like a relay race, right?
Folks like J pop have been at this forever. And I haven't. She can rest. It's not an arrest, and she will just switch what she's doing. You heard that episode. If you haven't checked it out, please go back and give it a listen. Thank you for linking that, Courtney. Bye. But. If it was in her, if she did need to rest, if she was like, I'm fucking tired of talking about this.
She can! And I can pick that up. Wherever she left it, I can pick it up. Because I haven't been doing it. I'm not tired. But, I gotta be willing to extend grace to folks the same way that she has extended it to me. And I'm not seeing that. And it worries me. The frustration is understandable. I get it. I'll be the first to admit I get fucking annoyed when it takes people a long time to do things.
Y'all know that. Y'all know that. The best example I can give is the woman who or the person in your family who after 15 years of you preaching the importance of lifting is finally lifting and finally leaning into it because her favorite podcast, you know, talked about it and is doing it. Fucking annoying.
You're like, I've been fucking telling you this. People be moving at their own pace, folks. Grace. Give grace. I've used this example or thought about this thought before, but when someone leaves a cult and they ask for help, or someone leaves a cult and they say, I'm, I'm, I'm out of there, or they're trying to.
The knee jerk reaction is probably to be like. How could you be so stupid? How did you not see it? Or, if that cult was mean to you, then maybe you're like, Fuck you! I get it. Understandable. UNDERSTANDABLE. But ultimately, the situation, and your own fucking sanity, need grace. This is not, I'm not speaking about like an absolution, I'm not speaking, you know, I'm not even necessarily speaking about forgiveness, it really depends on how you define forgiveness.
But grace, to me, and I sat with this for a bit, I'm like, what is it, what am I trying to get at with this? To me, grace means choosing curiosity instead of criticism. Plain and simple. To me, Giving grace means choosing curiosity instead of criticism. Obviously, it is way easier to be curious with somebody who you see eye to eye with, and you have shared values with, and who, you know, you believe that they have your best interest at heart, or they didn't fuck you over at some point in time.
Side note, start with that person. Start with, start, yes, give grace to that person in whatever situations. Start exercising, growing the muscle there. This is again, where I will insert my weekly push for James Olivia, James Olivia's, James Olivia Chuhilman, their work. Again, they're inquisitive human on, uh, Instagram, but especially their relate skills intensive, because it's particularly helpful for Relating with folks who you don't agree with, relating with folks in the presence, in the face of difference, relating with folks who, you know, maybe you didn't agree with in the past or they wronged you in the past, like.
It's a skill, man. It is a skill. But in general, my push with this episode was one, to brag about Santa Barbara. Great fucking trip. Uh, but two, to highlight the fact that everyone is on their own timeline, right? Their journey is happening at its own pace. And as absolutely fucking maddening as that can be.
Because you're like, open your fucking eyes. How have you not seen this? I've been saying it. I get it. I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying it is. When given the option. I believe that the most ideal step, I'll say for me is to choose curiosity instead of criticism. Don't get me wrong, right?
Talking points can still be brought up feelings. Canons should still be expressed, people should be held accountable. Individuals, you know, we need to be able to receive feedback and not be coddled in order to hear it and have the person do like extra labor. We shouldn't be imparting that double lift on people that I've talked about so many times that it sucks to have that.
As the, as the holder, the lifter, right? These conversations could be tense. They could be emotional. Like this isn't some all like, you know, Kumbaya thing. All of these things are true. When I speak about giving grace, it's giving grace and this, but I do believe that choosing curiosity instead of criticism right off the bat.
Is the fastest way to get all those things, right? Because we want to be heard, we want to bring up our talking points, right? We want to feel seen, we want to express our feelings, we want people to be held accountable, we want people to take responsibility, we want people to take accountability, we want, we want to be able to not have to like,
cuddle people so they can hear it. All of those things, absolutely. And us on the receiving end. But I do believe that the fastest way to get to all that is by giving grace. As difficult, as fucking frustrating as it can be. Alright, I see this on threads and this is largely what inspired this episode, it's just There's not a lot of grace being given and obviously social media isn't representative of everything, um, but You know, frustration, anger, it's justified, but it is not a good fuel source.
It is unsustainable. So when that burns out, you know, have the feelings, absolutely, but when that burns out, I do believe that how we get to where we want to go and building the thing that we want to be building and the thing that's worth fighting for is by giving grace. And again, it's not to be confused with absolution, it's not to be confused with forgiveness depending on what your, um, or unconditional, you know, forgiveness, depending on what your definitions are.
It's simply, to me, choosing curiosity instead of criticism. And I'm speaking just as much to myself, just as, I'm looking at myself in the little screen finder, view finder, whatever the heck the thing is called, I'm speaking to myself, just as much as I'm speaking to anyone who is willing to listen, and that is you fine folks, so.
As always, just incredibly grateful that you give me your ear, you give me your attention, you give me your time. That's all I got. No announcements, no nothing else, just gratitude. As always, thank you for listening. And that's all I got. Until next time, friends, Maestro out.
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