[Transcript starts at 0:40]
Hello, hello, hello, my podcast people, and thank you for joining me for yet another episode actually for the 700th episode of my favorite online business podcast. If you are listening, tuning in a ing on the day that it drops. It is Monday, January 19th. Welcome to episode 700. Do I have anything planned?
No. No, I don't. Not because I'm like a anti celebrate. You all know I be, I, I'm here for celebration. Uh, but mainly because I kind of feel like 750 is a bigger deal also, this like kind of came up fast. I mean, I saw it, I have the calendar and everything, but it kind of snuck up and I was like, oh, it's coming.
But also seven 50, that's the big one. I think. Uh, you know, yes, I'm putting some sort of emphasis on a thousand, but seven 50 seems like the one. Um, so we will hit seven 50 the first week of 2027. Who knows what that will look like. And that is a good segue for today's topic, which is a twist on how to get more followers.
I know that's a whack fucking title and y'all know I'm already gonna spin that and that's why I did it. Um, but it's what came to mind. So we we're gonna rely heavily on that twist. Speaking of the twist, quick like side note, quick tangent TV show, the morning show. I love it. Actually, I should say I loved seasons one through three.
I'm on season four now. I don't know how I feel about it. The writing feels different. It feels a little forced. I don't agree with a lot of the things that, the directions they're taking it. Um, the characters feel weird. I hate when to do that. Like maybe because when I binge watch a show, when you binge watch a show.
It is so close together, they're like, oh, you're acting weird now. Whereas if it's like done over, you know, long span of time, unless you're like really like into the show, like for L Word, when they made Alice go crazy, I was like, but why? Why would you do that? It's like, that's fucking whack. But uh, for this, I made l and I started watching it and we just like binged it over the past, I dunno, however long, very short period of time and you're just like, whoa, whoa.
Season four, this is jarring. Uh, but I'm really enjoying it. Otherwise, a lot of social commentary. A lot of like relevant 'cause it takes place in like today time. And it was like, you know, they go through COVID and like right now I think it's like 2024. Um, so I haven't checked it out. Check it out. I think it's on Apple tv.
They have best better shows. Reese, Reese Witherspoon, um, Jennifer Anon. It's great. Uh, but the twist back to the, if you watch the show, they talk about the twist. Uh, that's, that's the connection there. But back to the twist that I was talking about, which is getting more followers and the twist here is if you want more followers.
Be a goddamn leader, right? I have said this forever and forever and forever in a day in my Instagram intensive, and right now, in this moment in time, Lord Jesus, I think it's more true than ever, right? I'm gonna do my best to not turn this into an episode where I only speak about the atrocities that we are currently living through.
Fuck Trump. Fuck the whole administration. Every single fucking day. Fuck, ice. Fuck all of them. Uh, but. It's a lot to take in, right? All this, everything that's going on is a lot to take in, and I do take on a lot of it. So I'm a sensitive person. I'm a highly sensitive person. Jill talks about it and, and you know, jokes I take that shit on.
Uh, and that was like a big thing to learn how to not do when I was treating. Like you just like take that energy on. And I think that's actually why I really liked working with tools. 'cause I felt like it created like an energetic barrier and I was like, I'm not taking it on. 'cause like, it's like, ooh, it's a lot for me.
Uh, but. That in mind and, and there's being so much going on and, and it's so easy for me to take it on and my guess is be attract, you know what we are. It's a good chance that you take it on as well. I'm gonna do my best to not just complain, uh, or rather I'm gonna do my best to complain. In the best way that I can, which is to make something right?
In my opinion, the best way to complain is to make something. So we're making an episode and we're talking about leadership, right? This, in my opinion, also ties into the world that this podcast lives in, which is online business because Lord knows that the leadership in that space, the folks that have declared themselves leaders, thought leaders, it's they're fucking whack, whack as fucky fuck.
Not a single moral to be found. So I figured I'd sit and write out what I think leadership entails. Um, y'all, we are smack dab in the middle of a cowardice epidemic, right? And the knee-jerk reaction to that is to say, we'll be brave. But to me that just feels less tangible. It feels less concrete. And in my opinion, it doesn't feel like the solution, but leadership.
That does feel like something more tangible and something that I think will actually help solve things. Um, and I do realize that leadership, that the word leader like implies front of the pack. But I think that you can adhere to the principles, your principles of leadership without having people behind you.
Right. Self-leadership, it kind of ties into that whole quote. If you stand for nothing, you fall for anything. Right? I'm looking for self-governance, self-leadership, or I'm encouraging self-governance, self-leadership so that you are not blindly following anyone or anything, including me. Right? So I sat and I let, I sat in and worked through seven things that I think make up leadership.
I'm gonna go through 'em. And I would encourage you to go and do that on your own as well. And think about what, what it means for you. 'cause it's everything is, you know, subjective and, and personal. Um, but, so these are obviously based on my values, my experience, my beliefs, and I encourage you to go and come up with your own.
So, first thing, as it relates to leadership. The, the traits of leadership. What, what leadership looks like, the components of leadership, whatever you want to categorize these things out. The first one, self-trust as a prerequisite, right? A leader that trusts themselves will not seek control. They're not seeking validation.
They're not seeking dominance. All right. I personally believe that grounded leadership comes from internal coherence, not external approval. This is something that I like, I feel very strongly about all of these things I feel very strongly about. Um, and sometimes this, uh, not sometimes. The external approval piece, I probably could do a whole episode about that and my feelings around that.
And I'm not here to shame anyone, and that's why I'm like highlighting this, is that if you feel differently, if you live your life differently, I'm not here to shame you. I am here sharing what I believe makes up leadership, what I believe, you know, uh, makes up or is held by, believed by, and acted into by a good leader, right?
Things that I personally will do. So first one, self-trust as a prerequisite. Second one, radical responsibility. Taking that shit right, taking ownership even when it is costly, when it's invisible. Let's pick one when it's unpopular, right? Not outsourcing the blame. In my opinion, this kind of ties into voices before, leadership is not performative, it is not performance.
It is the unsexed hijab of responsibility being taken. Without the guarantee of praise, right? You're doing shit and people may never clap. They may never see it. You can do it anyway. Number three, competency as baseline. Y'all know I was gonna come in with that. Alright? Competency is the bare minimum. You gotta know the domain well enough that you can make informed decisions, which when that decisions may be outsourcing and bringing on other people that are domain experts, right?
But competency is baseline, baseline. Number four, we're missing this in the fucking government. We're missing this in the online space. Integrity, under pressure. Integrity, always right. Integrity. First, last, and always, but definitely under pressure. Definitely your values do not, cannot, should not change when power's on the line.
They cannot, should not change when they are stress tested. Alright. Consistency across the board, congruency across the, across the board between your words, your actions. Especially when no one's watching. Number five, agency cultivation. Y'all know I'm all about this and I think that if any of you that listening, watching this, you're a physical therapist, this is what you do.
Inherently, we kind of say it and we joke about it, but it's the truth where we're like trying to work ourselves out of a job and we're like, you don't need me. Motherfuckers still gonna come back. They're gonna hurt something else. But it's like the goal is like, you don't need me. Um. To me with leadership, it's not just leading people, it's orienting them back to their own agency.
I refuse to infantalize people. I refuse. Unless you're an infant, why? Listen to this podcast. What are you doing? If you're listening to this podcast, you're starting too early, right? If you're an infant, I refuse to infantalize people. I expect adults to act like adults, and sometimes I might get in trouble with this because adults be acting like fucking.
Badass little children, but I refuse to infantalize people. I think that good leadership reduces dependency over time, right? It teaches people how to think, not what to think, how to think. It teaches them how to decide things. It teaches 'em to stand on their own two fucking feet, right? The goal is never dependence, never.
It's not devotion. It's not control. The goal is agency it, it is resilience in others. Agency cultivation. Number six, long-term orientation. This is a good time because it's the, it's the time of the Capricorn. I don't really know the fact the Zodiac like words, but like we are in Capricorn season. I think we're ending it.
We clear towards the end of it, but we're, I'm Capricorn through and through. We got the steadfast goats and maybe I'd be looking at the long term big, the big picture. You think in terms of systems, second order effects and the future, it's not about, just right now, a short-term win that creates long-term damage is a fucking failure.
I said what I said. Long-term orientation, good leadership. Alright, and the last one here. Emotional regulation. This is the hardest one, and I have the most written down about this, and I really sat with this and went back and forth and argued with myself about this. Uh, but the, the, the, the, the long and the short, the initial bullet point here is that a leader does not outsource their nervous system to the public.
They are able to hold stress, dissent, and uncertainty without becoming reactive. This is, I think, the hardest fucking one because. You care. Right? That's why you're trying to create agency in these people. You fucking care. That's why you're trying to do things that avoid the short, that are not just short-term gains, long-term.
'cause you care. And when you care, you have emotions and you have these feelings and sometimes you just wanna fucking scream and you can't, not to the public. Right. That's, I made a point to say this. A leader does not outsource their nervous system to the public. You better have people, you gotta find your people so that you can let that out.
You can't let it out to the public, right? A leader. It's not about being, you're not fragile. You're not reactive. You're able to absorb and orient, and it is tough. It is tough. It is tough. It is tough. I spoke about earlier, you know, you're doing shit without applause. That's that radical responsibility piece.
Doing shit without applause also means doing shit without relief, right? You're able to tolerate many forms of discomfort. Because what feels honest may not always be be, lemme say that again. What feels honest may not always be what is useful. It's like I just wanna fucking punch someone in the face.
Probably not useful. Feels good, feels honest. Probably not, you know, the most useful. Uh, I will fully, however, stand by, uh, the, um, the figure who. Said, fuck, like t's wild to me that people are like, I'm so offended. I'm like, motherfucker, what? You're grown ass person. And you're more offended that someone said, fuck than the fact that someone got shot in the face.
This is how I'm in a place. And if you're gonna say, fuck you, make sure you say it. And you're in a public eye like that. Like guess is my, this is my fucking PO podcast, so I'm saying how much, however much I want. But you're in a public eye like that and like, you know, you're playing the fucking game then.
Yeah. When you say it, you make sure you say it at the right time so that, Hmm. It lands and it landed and it was appropriate. It's always fucking appropriate. But there's definitely this double lift that happens as a leader, right? You're doing shit without applause. You're doing shit without relief. You are choosing friction on purpose.
Leadership looks like choosing friction on purpose. And any of you listening to this, maybe you're like, I'm not a leader, but you have kids. You are a fucking leader. You choose in friction on purpose. You absorb more than you release. You process things before you transmit. You let some things pass through you without amplification.
That is fucking tough, right? And again, this is not about being some emotionless, stoic, you gotta have your outlets right. But you, you have to also understand that. What is required for the outcome that you want? And being inflammatory and screaming and being reactive, ain't it? It ain't gonna do it. It ain't gonna get you to where you want, but it's stuff as shit, right?
So, you know, these things that I and I, I strategically put. Emotional regulation is the last one. 'cause I think that as you're listening to this and feeling it, you're like, why even be a leader? It's so much fucking work. And the doublelift, right? You gotta deal with the shit and then you gotta deal with the shit and deal with other people's shit.
Doublelift. Alright. I think that in general, if you think about leader being a leader in the public facing sense of the word. That shit chooses you. I don't think anyone chooses to be a leader. I think it chooses you, right? Where my eldest, oldest daughter's at, you didn't choose that life. The oldest daughter life chose you and now you're wired that way.
Just it is what it is, right? Think you're born into it. You don't. You don't have a choice. There's only one queen bee in the hive, like how it is. I. I think that many of you listening to this, watching this, there's a good chance that you are a leader in your community, in your circle in some way, shape, or form.
And that's why I made this episode. And I think at the very least, at the very minimum, I'm not saying this in a pejorative way, but just like going down the list of like trying to cover everyone that may be listening and watching to this, like, you fall into this charact, you've, this episode is for you in some way, shape, or form, right?
And, and if you're not like the, you don't consider yourself a true like public facing leader. And you're like, I'm not, I don't know if I'm the leader in my community. Well, at the very minimum, this episode is about self-leadership, right? Following people is not a bad thing. It's following without standards, right?
It's following blindly. That ain't it. So a point, uh, one last point. I'm still looking at the outline here. One last point, and then I will wrap it up. We'll consider this a bit of preparation, if you will. Leadership can be lonely. And I'm not saying this in a pity me way or like a badge of honor, lone wolf kind of way, but just in a fucking mathematics way, fucking mathematical way, there are objectively fewer people willing to tolerate any kind of discomfort.
Right? Not just any kind of discomfort in general. Even if that discomforts internally, right? People don't like it. And the the discomfort that comes with. Asking yourself this, you know, going through that list that I just wrote and, and running out your own list and being like, am I doing this? It can create discomfort.
People don't want it. And then it can create consequences or external discomfort if you actually live into it, right? Very few people willing to do that. Very few people willing to risk standing out. Standing up for what they believe in. There's people out there though. There are people out there. Do I feel lonely?
Absolutely. At times. Absolutely. But again, it's not, I don't say this in a poor me way. I say it. More in like a, Hey, I've been here. I'm still here. Don't be surprised if that's what you experience as well, right? Because when you speak up, when you lean into your values, right, when you speak power to truth, you may lose some folks.
Lord knows I have lost so many followers since. Fucking Trump got elected and I'm just like, what the fuck were you doing here in the first place? That is on me. I blame, I blame the country. Carpo karaoke. I'm not gonna lie. Like, what the fuck were these people doing here in the first place? We are the same.
The goal is that that, that, that is on me, right? That's that radical responsibility said shit's on me. Um, but the goal is not to lose people intentionally, right? Or to be inflammatory. I'm not saying to go do that. Right. But I, I do wanna be real for a second. I did talk about emotional regulation, but I still feel like I, you can still be real.
It's not like, you know, be like this, like emotionless flat person. Alright, so I'm gonna be with you for a second. If you're sitting here or you're sitting online, or you're sitting and thinking about what you're, you know, saying things or not saying things, honest question for you. Who the fuck are you worried about offending?
Probably the literal, worst fucking people ever. Like I get it though. You're a social species and like, you know, I get it, but also like, just like a, I'm gonna throw it out there. Who are you worried about offending that's different than who you worried about dealing with? Because if it's like, you know, purely, so purely social media, like say the things and then just like mute the people or block the people that are whack.
But like, just like a take a moment, like who are you worried about offending? Okay, so. The goal with this episode was. To provide some simple, what I consider to be some simple action items in a time where things can feel so out of our control, like we can make you just feel so powerless. I also wanted to tie in something that I said months, you know, in the months that after Trump initially got elected and I was like in my fields, um.
And just also looking for action as myself, which is that we can focus on building the type of world that we wanna live in. And so if I circle that, you know, circle back and tie this episode into the niche of this podcast, which is online business, these action items and, and my suggestion to go and re and, and think about what leadership looks like to you.
Hold true. Because Lord knows this space is full of fucking grifters and grime stirs so. Real quick announcement and then we will wrap it up. Uh, round three of press publish is gonna start in early February. Uh, enrollment will be the last week of January. So if you've been wanting to launch your podcast, if you're wanting to actually talk on your podcast as opposed to talk about your podcast, get on the interest list and do not miss registration.
That's how I sell it. Okay. Uh, that's the only announcement. Thank you for rocking with me. Cheers to 700 and cheers to however many more. As always, endlessly, endlessly appreciative for every single one of you. Until next conference, Maestro. Out.
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