Full Transcript: MOTM #486 Cultivating Communities of Care (Part II)
[Transcript starts at 2:13]
Laura Jean: And in our systems, in our values, one of the biggest values of our culture is perfectionism. And so to reach self-actualization is to be, is I think culturally, and, um, interpreted as to be, um, like this high sense of self. Like higher being up above on the top of even the hierarchy, right? Like the hierarchy.
Let's not even start on that. But I think it's actually just to know yourself. Like to me, my values-based definition of that is just to know yourself, to be grounded in yourself and to be that commitment to that becomes before other things. Um, and that you're up to bring that. So I'll, I'll blame Maslow.
Maestro: I like, and I want to continue with that. You said it comes before other things. What if you were to draw it out? If you were to create, no, it's not a hierarchy. If you were to create a, a, a schematic of this, what, what would you put and where?
Laura Jean: Yeah. I, I mean I did say before, I suppose it's nested really like, but at the center and at the outside I think is us.
Ourselves. Like we're in the center of it, but we're also, everything's nested. We're nested in, but everything's nested in us. Like our business, our relationships is nested in us and we're also nested in the middle. So it's, it's all, it's all about us. It was really interesting.
And I know you talked about selfish recently. I read, I was listening to the um, will Smith, um, story. You know, and he talks about Yeah. And he talks about this, um, therapy session where he and Jada go together and they're asked to put, what are your top five priorities? Or whatever it is.
And Jada's like the kids, Will, then me. And Will's just like me. And I was just like the first, when that first hit me, I was just like, what an asshole. What an asshole. No wonder your relationship, you know, like I brought all my judgment and hat tip for anyone out there that has a bit of judgment stuff, cuz we all do, again, self-actualization doesn't mean you get rid of your judgment. It means, to me it, it, it's an opportunity to know what did that tell me? And it told me a lot. About myself and my own values. And I've been sitting with it and it's really, I mean, I listened to it a while ago, but it's been sitting there because whenever I come up against it, and I think, but actually, what if that is the absolute definition of self-care, of self love that we parrot, is us first so, you know, I'm looking on Will a bit kinder, um, as a, as a, I suppose my parent brand. Cause as a mom, like, I'm like, and I don't know if it's mom specific, but I'll, I am a mom, so I'll say as a mom, like, I don't know if I could, you know, on a, on a le if I had to write it down, but, but, um, but again, even that is sometimes like, because I'm supposed to, like I'm, I'm, I should be putting that first.
But actually in my actions when I live into my values, a lot of it is putting me first. I mean, I can't leave and go and live in my cabin in the woods by myself though I'd like to, but I can take those moments. And, you know, iced coffee time, I mentioned that in my thing in one of my knowables,
um, which you talk about in the IG Intensive. Plug. Great program. Um, but having your knowables you know, I didn't go set out to, to be that, but this was part of being seen, heard a known, right. So it's like a, uh, at a micro level it's this moment where I just take a moment in my day to ground and rest and take a breath.
Um, and I just like iced coffee, how iced coffee taste, um, and my little sensitive gastrointestinal system can't have hot coffee. Um, and, but at a macro, at a, at a, the next level up at the meze level, I think that's the next one. It shows my kids that I have needs, this is my time. They know what iced coffee time is.
Um, I don't know if I told this story last time I was on, I dunno if we talked about iced coffee time. But anyway, there was this one moment where I realized, yes, my work here is done. Where I was out on the deck having my iced coffee time, my little hyper connected kiddo, um, was like looking for some connection from me.
I'm like, I'm just having my con coffee time. And then we'll, we'll do often if she's home, I'll do a little connection first cuz she's gonna need it. Anyway, she goes over to her sister and says, oh, do you wanna play? And she goes, I'm having my iced coffee time.
Maestro: Your work here is done.
Laura Jean: My work here is done.
Um, so like at that level, but then at the bigger level, it's like, it's that, it's, it's, it's writing my name on the list first. It's actually changing that cultural, social norm of who says that moms have to put their kids first. And I'm not saying you don't have to, but I think that we have the opportunity to ground in our own values and say, what does that actually mean?
And we don't have to write it down, we don't have to do the list. That might feel uncomfortable, but with our actions, we can like actually put ourselves first, not just the pretend, fill up your cup so you can fill somebody else's. Put on the. Not that, you know, surface level stuff, but actually deep in yourself.
How do you act? How do you show up and how do you feel? And like, so yeah. Anyway, so I've been a bit kinder to Will Smith in my head and judgment as I've kind of grappled through it and, and worked through it. Um, I'm, I'm not there yet. I'm not at Will level, but, and you know, I think that what I would say is like, he had that, but then he also had a lot of the cultural values of, of, of him, of, of, of all of his identities and, and his, you know.
Like, there's other stuff that goes on, I don't think, you know, maybe, and we can look at his choices and go, well that's because you're a selfish dickhead. Um, cuz you put yourself first on the list. It doesn't have to be that.
Maestro: If you folks have that listened, no, no, I have a bunch of things to say.
I'm gonna push this button so the thing doesn't go off. Again. If you folks haven't, one, if you haven't read, um, Will's book, um, and you're interested, I would recommend it and listen it, listen to it. It's actually very cool when you listen to it because it's him. Um, but he brings in the music side of things and it's, it's actually just like, it's like an, it's like an experience.
Um, I love that it gives context to things as well because shortly after the book was released, that's when he smacked, uh, Chris Rock in the face. And there was just no, I'm not here to condone or whatever, or whatever condemn anything, but just there's context given to someone's life by this book. Is it written by him?
Yes. So it's, you know, based through his lens, but there's context for things. Uh, and I, I, that part did stand out to me, but in the way that I was like, well, yeah, duh. Like, and that's also why you've had your success. Like cuz you're number, like, you're first in the list. But I love this nested conversation because so much in how I think people view things or were taught to view things, taught to view things is is in this binary of if you're putting yourself first as a mom, that means that you hate your kids.
There's no, like, you're putting yourself first, which means that maybe you went to therapy and now you can actually relate and you can hold space. Whatever you wanna consider that space, that, that phrase to be, and you can, you know, show up in a way that is best for all and helpful for all parties.
It's just like, if you are putting yourself first, that means you hate your kids and you would like throw 'em in the river. And I'm like, wh why did that, why is that?
Laura Jean: Might be some days….
Maestro: Certain days, right? That I don't understand why that's the, the thing that's, that's said there. I, you know, I love this, this concept of, of putting yourself first mainly because I actually don't believe that- Or rather, let me flip it. I believe that all actions are self-serving and it doesn't have to be a bad thing.
So even if we look at like, me choosing to take care of Rupert, I do that because if I didn't, I would feel bad. It's not like I am this, like, I don't even know, like I don't even know for certain, if I believe that like altruism actually exists, it's like we are doing it because if I didn't I would feel so bad.
So there's like a, a part of that and I think it's a bad thing, right? I, I like taking the time that Laura like, Laura Jean does and sitting and, and, and thinking about these things. So can we then, can you then blend the two for me, Laura Jean, and this idea of nesting or being nested, being nested, and communities of care.
How does that overlap?
Laura Jean: Hmm. Yeah, I think, um, there's the piece of, we often think of what you were saying about the binaries and, but we often think of things of in competition to ourselves. So like, well, if I take care of me, then I'm not taking care of my, you know, if I'm doing that. And then we've got that next level of story of like, oh, but I take care of me to take care of the kids.
So, you know, there's the just like. But coming to that point of holding the both and of I can do both. And sometimes I have to do one or the other. And sometimes I can't always do that. And sometimes I'm gonna do a really shit job at both and sometimes, you know, all of that kinda stuff. So it's that both and.
And so that's why I like the op, the, the idea of nesting. Um, and kind of like, you know, um, those like, like, like, you know, if you think of like concentric circles, so like nesting in kind of like that sort of space. Um, and so I think if we think about community, if I think about how I think of like an ecosystem of care, um, is that me as a human, I'm nested inside other spaces.
So like, you know, you, me, in this conversation and they're nested, we're nested in everyone who's listening to us, nested inside, like the podcast world. If we wanna go down that nest. Or we're nested inside these different groups. So like, it's different. It's, and even that, it's like, it's not like a real actual visual cause it's like millions of different spots that we are can be nested in or nested inside.
And so with that, ecosystems of care, it's like that opportunity, you know, if you think about the, if you wanna think about like the little babushka dolls nested, like we're held.
Maestro: That's exactly what I'm thinking about.
Laura Jean: Yeah. Like you can get, yeah. See it's cuz we're twins, right? Um, like you get the opportunity to be held but also hold as well.
So I like that part cuz if you think about even like a bird nest, you know, a nest, it holds, it holds the, holds, the little bubbas, little eggs and the, and the birdies and everything. So they only build it for like when they're having their eggs. They don't live in necessarily live in their nest all the time.
It's just for when they're, um, having their little bubbas to, to hold them. Um, and so, yeah, I feel like that is probably something that comes up for me when I think about how it relates into ecosystems of care. That's, and also it's that cultivating it, right? Because we do, I think we do all want to be seen, heard, or known.
Um, and we do all want, you know, people often talk about, it's so hard to find friends as an adult or whatever, but, and if we go back to that selfish thing, we kind of feel like we can't ask for what we need or ask for what we want. And I feel like we can create ecosystems of care where we don't always have to ask.
Actually, I was talking to James Olivia a few months ago and we were talking about, I was talking about my garden of course. Of course I was talking about my garden. Um, and just like the feeling and, and I then I'm followed up the next day and I, and I was sharing with them, I was like, yeah, it's because that my, my garden like holds me like, like I feel held.
I have a sense of being held when I'm in it and my needs get met. I can ask my garden, which might sound weird to people cuz it's a garden, but it's. Extend our idea. I can ask my garden for needs to be met and just being there, it meets my needs without me asking. And that is what I think an ecosystem of care is. Because I want spaces where I don't always have to ask for what I need, but also where I'm known, seen, known, heard enough that it's not like I'm expecting people to use mental telepathy because that again, there's that binary it's like, well, I don't wanna have to ask, so you better bloody know versus cultivating these spaces where the, uh, aim or the idea of it is to hold people and to care for them and to relate in a way so that when it doesn't happen in a way that you, like, you can let people know. Or when it doesn't happen in a way that you like, you have the grace that you're held in this space that you can be like, well I know this was where they were coming from.
Cause I know, I see them, and I hear them. Um, yeah, that's what's coming up for me as you ask that question
Maestro: Profound folks. I'm sitting here. And I'm, I'm going back, I keep going back to the nesting dolls cuz it's just the easiest. But one of the things you said about the opportunity to be held, but also holding, and in my mind, I I, in my mind, I take it a step farther and I'm like, because there's like a size thing because of physics.
So if we have like a tangible, concrete thing, then like the thing has to be smaller to fit inside. But when we extrapolate this to humans and relationships, it doesn't need to be that. That it can be just, you know, the same, the same things that holding and being held. And I'm like that, that, introducing that to 'em, like, that's so cool.
And yes.
Laura Jean: Yes. It's the first reason I didn't go to babushka dolls because there is the- and then the bigger one never gets held by anything else, right?
Maestro: No. No. It gets dropped.
Laura Jean: Everyone needs to be held. Yeah. Gets a crack in it. Everyone takes care of that little bloody baby one.
Maestro: Everyone.
Laura Jean: But it is so cute.
Maestro: Whole entire stack. All of them.
Laura Jean: Yep. And, and you know, even people, it's like, don't lose the baby ones. The baby one's the most important. Which, you know, culturally we do have that. But yeah, like, so, um, I'll work on thinking about, uh, something where, we're held and hold it's probably a water thing.
I have to play around with it.
Maestro: You let me know.
Laura Jean: I'll noodle on it.
Maestro: You let me know. I feel like it's gotta be a garden thing.
Laura Jean: Well, well the ne if we use the bird's nest, the nest holds the eggs, but the nest is held by the tree, or whatever it's in. Oh. So we could use that one. We'll use that for now.
Use this. Let know if I find a better one or a more fitting, I should say. No hierarchy .
Maestro: So, so intentional with the words. And it makes me so happy. If we zoom out again, we zoom out, but also zooming in cuz I wanna stay with this, uh, ecosystems of care. And I think we already answered it, but I, repetition is very important for me.
If we're looking at cultivating this, and then the next thing, I'm gonna put it out here so that in case I wrote it down, but just in case, we're also gonna talk about cultivating versus creating, because that was a really cool part of the discussion last time. But if we're thinking about these ecosystems of care, what would you say is the initial action item for cultivating that?
Laura Jean: Ooh. Like knowing yourself again? No, but you don't need to know yourself to start it, but to, I suppose it's asking, it's, it's knowing your needs as well. Like there's a lot of work that I, around that. But yeah, I don't know. I don't know what the f I don't know that there's a first. I think it's all like, it's, it's tendrily, maybe like the micorrhizal layer, which extends and weaves around the basin and roots of trees.
Um, it doesn't grow, it doesn't like push through. It just kind of like, infiltrates with not nefariously or maybe, maybe sometimes cuz it, it is like does feed off things but it also helps us very mutualism. Um, I dunno, I dunno if there's a first, I think start like, you know, we could, we could get to probably start where you're at. Like what's available capacity, resource-wise?
Maybe it's just with you being, I caring for you. Maybe it's asking, you know, I think of like my early mum phases and stages and what I needed to cultivate then was really different. So I think it really is, depends on the season of life, but it also depends personally on where you're at.
Resource capacity. Like, you know, I talked about the produce share that I set up, which is one of my very intentional activities I did. And not everyone's got the capacity or the desire. Not everyone wants to share produce, but you know, you find your own thing. Needling. Crochet, whatever. Um, but like, where can you start or where what's, and you can start with your values as far as like, you know, mapping them out, thinking like, where am I acting into my values and where do I want to act or live more into them?
And maybe start there. Like if it's connection, if it's, um, you know, maybe it's around work, but maybe it's not. Maybe it's around personal stuff. I, I don't know. I don't know if there's a first step. Yeah.
Maestro: I'm interested.
Laura Jean: You got me.
Maestro: I'm looking up.
Laura Jean: You stumped me. Not stumped.
Maestro: There's a spider and a bee and I'm like, I'm invested.
So I'm trying trying not to but I'm like, that's a big, that's a battle that's
happening there.
Laura Jean: It's, it's nature playing out
Maestro: That is. Exactly. I'm like let it go. I'm letting, letting rock here. Like, I'm not gonna intervene here. Uh, but if we circle back to this, I feel like an argument can be made in my head. I'm making an argument to myself about if there, if, if I had to pick a starting point, yes you can, you can only start with where you're at. But if I had to pick a starting point, and if I'm thinking of like what allows the other things to, cuz it is, you know, cyclical cycle and, and, and, and such. But I really think that what you said earlier about seeing, knowing hearing yourself is so profound.
And because you can't, in my opinion, it would be very difficult to ask for something unless that thing that you're asking for initially is like, I need the space, I need help with cultivating the capacity, the space so that I can take a beat to see and hear and know myself and then go from there. But I feel like that at like a foundational level-
cause also thinking about the nesting you, like, you, I love that idea of you in the middle and you on the outside there. And I'm like, if we don't, if we haven't started leaning into that and giving our space, giving ourselves space to feel like we belong, within it ourselves. I feel like it becomes very difficult to, to do anything else from there.
Not that it's wrong or you can't, but if someone was like, where would I start?
I'd be like, with yourself.
Laura Jean: Yeah. I think that needs to like accept and wherever you are along that, like even if it's just firstly accepting you have needs, that's okay. That's then
Maestro: That's huge, man.
Laura Jean: Yeah. Well, yeah, absolutely. And then, then just that would be where I would start.
Like what are your needs or where are you not being seen? Like if we come back to that piece, like what parts of you aren't being seen, heard, or known? What are the conversations that you feel like you're not having or what are the bits of you where there's no other human, no space where that is. And I really, um, the first time I came across kind of the start of this idea of concept around was like the concept of communities of care, which is a very specific, um, call from marginalized groups, um, around, well, under-resourced, let's say, around resourcing and things.
The first time I heard it was in early season of motherhood and I was like, Mother fuckers. I'm like looking after my, I, I'm caring for more people than I can. Like, I was just like, my first re visceral reaction was no fucking way. I have got no more to give. And so I've sat with that for a while, but also I've recognized that in a true community care or ecosystem of care, people are held when they are in that space and phase.
And when you're in different seasons, you have more to give maybe, or, and it's not even about giving. And this is the thing too, I wanna take away from that idea of care, because often we think care, um, care for. We can have, we can care for people without taking care of. And that was a nuance I had to kind of learn to be able to really be, feel comfortable with using this word care in when I talk about ecosystems of care.
So care for, rather than take care of. So I, I should, yeah.
Maestro: That's good.
Laura Jean: Insert that piece in there. Because my first piece was like, I can't take care of it. No, I can't even take care of myself. I haven't showered in five days. Like, what, what, um, yeah, so yes, we can care and, and care can be more than just our, again, that cultural idea of taking care of it can be take care as in slow down.
Like, that's one of the, you know iterations of care that I really like. Like if we, if we get word nerdery and start looking at the word, like, what does it mean? How do we use it? Care. And like, you know, um, it can just be like respecting things, you know? Here's my, um, book, take care of it for like, and what I mean by that, I don't, you don't have to tuck it into bed, read a bedtime stories, give it about like, I just mean like, could you give it back to me so that I can, you know its conditions. So that's more about respecting and respecting the book, the, the thing, but also respecting me and our relationship and relat. So like, yeah. I suppose when I talk about that, I'm probably glad we got to this piece of nuance, that it's not ecosystems where we take care of each other. It's where we have care and we slow down and,
Maestro: Good. It's fucking good. I wanna keep going on the, with the word nerdery. The nerd wordery? The, that. Cultivate versus create. What do you got from me?
Laura Jean: Right. Our culture. I'll come back to it. Well, the systems were
Maestro: It's the eyebrows for me.
Laura Jean: Yeah, well the, if you're on YouTube, you get the whole effect.
I did say to Shante, I actually brushed them for her today because I was like, oh, they're gonna be on video and they'll be doing a, a lot of dancing. So I better get them in form. Normally, like I'll like do like an IG video and I'll be like, you know, doing the little caption thing afterwards and I, you know, you have to like watch yourself million times.
I'm like God, my eyebrows, like, I'm like, they're crazy. Um, they've got a mind of their own as far as how they move, but also like, they curl like, I've got curly eyebrows. Like, what, what? So like the end curls up, so like they don't just sit flat. Anyway, eyebrow, tangent. Sorry about that one. Um, so the eyebrows are dancing if you wanna see them.
They've also been brushed and cultivate, first create. So like all around us is this idea of like, take action. And I know, and I, when you say talk about action, because I know you, and this is like where knowing somebody and their values, I know what you mean by that. And that kind of action of really, which is I feel like it's almost like just the physical manifestation of knowing yourself is how, I'll, I'll put your, your that version of action.
But that whole idea of like, you know, we talked about it when we chatted on my podcast, the do the most, do the more. Like more action, most action. Move forward. Like, so creating, while I think if we looked at the, one of my most, probably most used websites on my phone is like the etymology, um, which is like the origin of words.
Probably when we go back to the start of the word of creation, it's a different thing. But create now is really about almost like a, a process we're in control of, of of, of bringing something into being right? Like we create, create content. We have an idea. And you talk, you know, this is amazing. You just brought something into life takes as long as it takes.
Um, and so like when we think about it from that point of view, it's like this process, we are, I won't say control cause I think control is an illusion, orchestrating, um, we're, we are choosing next steps, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So all that. So that's creation. And even when we're being, I suppose creative, we have an intention culturally now of, of something coming out of that, like creation, the word as we kind of use it now, something will exist after we've created.
Right? And when it comes to wanting to have these ecosystems of care or a business or something online, when we use the word create, for me it, it's, it goes to the outcome. So I'm gonna create a business versus cultivate, which is about, in the gardening world, it's a, it is a gardening thing, but it means many things.
So you cultivate the soil, you prepare it for plants to go in, and then you cultivate the plants, those in your garden, you're nurturing and you're nourishing. So it's more about the process, and I think we're both twinning on the process versus the outcome. Whereas I feel like create, while the intention of that word may not have been that now through our cultural values or just the lexicon that we use, it means that something exists after you do it, right?
Cultivating is about the process. What am I gonna do? Maybe something gets created at the end, but maybe it doesn't. Maybe it fails. And if we'll give you a little bonus word nerdery, the original definitions or the original word meaning of both success and failure, success is to succeed. If anyone's watched that show succession, it's the thing that comes after.
So the original and non-value, like neutral definition of the word success is what comes after. And the definition of failure is when nothing comes after. If something fails, if a crop fails, it means the crop didn't grow. It doesn't mean like it's an existential crisis and you're the worst person in the world.
So the, so the meanings of the word success, in fact, success something happened. Failure something didn't. Um, or you know, nothing. Nothing. I mean, know I'm very much paraphrasing, but that's basically what they mean. But now they're all loaded. Um, so they're
Maestro: So loaded now.
Laura Jean: So cultivate, you might cultivate a success or a fail.
Something might come, the seed might pop up. The seed might pop up and then the birds scratch it out. The seed might pop up and then it gets dry. You forget to water it. But you cultivated, you still cultivated the soil, you still cultivated that. And the create what was created, while it can be an extension, it doesn't necessarily mean that you didn't cultivate that beautifully that you didn't care for and take care of that little seed.
You cultivated that. And there's other things. I think it, I think it, gives room for us to recognize that we are nested in all of those things and they will impact on what's happening and where we're going. And so when we, I think the word create or, or that intention to create with some things,
not with everything. Um, we're probably not gonna cultivate content cause we probably won't get very far.
Maestro: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Laura Jean: Um, but when we're talking about things like relating, things that impact with relating, which is most things, but particularly our businesses, particularly these ecosystems of care, we can want to create them all we want and it's a want. Um, and what we can do though is we can cultivate and we can show up and we can, we can choose how we will show up, we can choose the values we'll be grounded in and how we will take care of ourselves, whether, regardless of that success failure situation, which is, you know, something happened, something didn't. Something happened, which I wasn't expecting, whatever it might be.
Maestro: So, good. Question with that. What word would you put at the end of this? So if we're gonna say cultivate and yes, backing it up, because I wrote, I'm writing things down as you're going, and I was like, process versus outcome. And then you were like, process versus, I was like, good. I could cross that off. I don't have to bring that up cause Laura just hit it.
Um, if we're gonna put language to this and reframe thoughts, if we say, let's say the language for this was like, I wanna create a business. Would we take it back a step and say, I want to, I want to cultivate X that would ultimately allow a business to thrive? Like is there, what, what language would we, what, what would that sentence look like?
Laura Jean: Yeah. I suppose there's both and cuz you are creating something, right? You're beginning out there, you're doing things like, it is a very much more entity exists, right? Like, kind of like the content and entity is exists. So we can we create our business? I kind of, the word I like around the business one is evolve to throw another word in there.
Maestro: I'm here for all the words.
Laura Jean: So like, we evolve, probably evolve every business, follow words. Um, but create, I think fits there still. What we cultivate is, yeah, the process and, and the outcome when we're creating is the business. It's not the things that the business leads to, right? It's, it's the thing. It's like the things we can create is the thing we can create. Like we aren't go, gonna control that. So I don't know what a sentence would be for that. We are creating, well what I bring back businesses, if we think of that nesting thing, like a business is an opportunity, is a space that you hold right to, to, to be seen in a, but it's also a space that holds you and meets your needs.
So business I feel like is just a tool, an instrument for meeting, getting our needs met, whatever those needs might be. There might be like physical needs or, or even emotional needs. So I think really what then we are creating a business that cultivates a space to get our needs met or, or do our best darn try.
Maestro: I am so here for that and the gymnastics that maybe you had to go through. Just rewind folks if you, if you need and listen to that again.
Laura Jean: You just saw my process.
Maestro: Yeah. I'm like, it is important because the reason I asked the question is, uh, you know, as a coach, working with people, you can look to highlight certain things and put emphasis on, on, I'm not going to control their, their, um, process, but we can look to really highlight things even in the content I create.
If I talk only about the outcome, people only want the outcome. If I highlight the process, people start being more interested in the process. And so for me in li listening to you, I'm like, how do I speak more intentionally about business, so that it's not viewed as this, this, this thing, uh, it's so that it's not viewed in a way of, you know, loaded thing.
It's not viewed in. Uh, and people are gonna view it however they want, but I think that I can still put things out into the ether in the way, you know, so that I am, I am happy about how that gets portrayed. Um, so that's where that question came from with that. But staying on the topic of business, you have created something, Laura Jean, and I think you're presenting it today.
Laura Jean: Mm, I am. When we're recording. Yeah, that's one thing I've created. Created
Maestro: What is it? Can you talk about that ?
Laura Jean: Oh! Today I'm just doing a webinar. Just, just just a webinar.
Maestro: Just, just, just webinar. Just what is that? Let me know.
Laura Jean: Today's webinar is, um, Marketing without Manipulation. So,
Maestro: Tell me more, Laura Jean.
I asked this question intentionally. Well, two parts. One, because I want you to pitch your shit, but two, you did a phenomenal post, uh, I don't know, yesterday, two days ago. And then we had a talk conversation in the DMs and you were like, uh, you know, your defensiveness, not to me, that person's defensiveness is not my confusion.
And I was like, that's so good. Um, can we talk about that?
Laura Jean: Yes. So marketing without manipulation. So basically what I see often for health professionals, particularly because I'm a health professional, is that's a stuck point. Like the values that we have as clinicians and the values that we see being used in marketing, particularly in the online space, is a massive disconnect.
And so what if we go back to that binary couple of conversations ago, we see the option is either, we either ditch our values and and market in the way we're being taught or we don't market. Neither of those are going to be sustainable, and they're definitely are gonna be regenerative, but neither of those are gonna take us where we wanna go.
Right? Um, so I like hanging out in the middle, but also it's not a binary anyway, so we're just gonna talk about what even is marketing? Why does it feel icky? So going back to those, and it's all about value. Spoiler. Um, and how do you find your way that works, however you wanna define it for you? Um, and that gets you what you want.
And it is gonna be about cultivating, cultivating those spaces. Um, and also talking about like, these are the strategies I suppose that we see used in, in traditional marketing. And, and actually then I'll just be like talking about how do we put the relating into those? Like how do we flip it? Okay. That's the strategy.
It works. How do we make sure we're doing it grounded in our values? If we're gonna use some, we might throw in the bin. If you are grounded in your values, how will you use it and what will it look like to, to do that with the relating being the kind of driver. So that's kind of the webinar. Um, yeah.
So I did do a post the other day, um, and I knew I've, I've had this post in my head for ages, um, and I was like, I knew it would be work for this, you know, it was an intentional drop. I knew it would get a few eyes on it. Um, I actually thought I'd get maybe a little bit more, but I've cultivated a, an ecosystem of people's who
Maestro: I was like, it's your people.
Laura Jean: Yes. So for the, for context, I just put a thing up talking about manipulation in marketing because that's what the roots of marketing of the tra of the online space and, and the current kind of paradigm is manipulative, right. The, it's, it's based on like a couple of like white dudes read this, dudes get a book about like, Dating, winning the dating game, I think it's called the Game.
Um, there's that, and then there's this other book where a guy like looked at what happens with marketing and he wrote this book as so that people could actually resist to see it and resist. And so some white dudes got together and put together both of those things. Basically. You know, this is where a lot of, um, modern marketing is, and it looks at the psychology.
Why do people do choices? And we can have that information. We can go either way. And current marketing decided to go one particular way, which is how can we use that to make more sales? And literally you can Google psychological marketing triggers and these articles are like, and so this is how you can use this one.
Like it's, it's like, we've said the quiet part, like the quiet part out loud bit is like, you know, 10 years ago with traditional marketing, like they're saying it out loud and they're like being really clear. So the point of that post was to say, Hey, this is the background. Like these are the underlying values of these behaviors.
This is why they came about. I'm not saying that's why you are using them. Um, and we can even talk to you like, I know you use the early bird pricing, which was one of the things I talked about in that. But I know you and I know your values and to me to, just to tell you what you do, I would say you, I know you do it to incentivize, like, to encourage people to take action because that is a big part of your brand and who you are, is to get her take action.
So you have that to say, Hey, if you are my people and you wanna ready to take action here, go and here's a little bonus. Like, that's it. I like, you know, like, that's how I see how you use that. So I was putting that up and I knew you would read it. Well, I thought you'd read. I, mean I don't assume you read everything I write.
Maestro: I read it all.
Laura Jean: Um, and because we relate and we have relationship and I was very clear with my wording in that, that this is the background of it and this is what it, the impact can be. And yeah, my values definitely came through. I think I put a little slide, you know, a little snide side of like bonus oppression, you know, people who can't afford, you know, like, yeah.
So yeah, my values came through. I'm not pretending to be a neutral party. Anyway, so I got a comment that said, ask me a lot of questions. And it's like, um, if I parrot James Olivia, like James Olivia often talks about it, about like how we pretend confusion to like, or like we ask a question cause we want to lead somebody somewhere.
Anyway, I was kind of like, wanted to say, do, do you read the caption or the post?
Uh, because it's not what I said. Um, because like in it, I'm, I'm really clear, like I don't want to, people will interpret what you say through their own values and their lens, and that's the business, right?
Maestro: Always. Yeah. Always.
Laura Jean: Um, yeah. So it just, I suppose it gotta interpreted as in I'm saying things are bullshit, but I didn't say things are I said they're based in bullshit.
Maestro: No, they're based then That's completely different.
Laura Jean: Yep. That's the ba you know, like, so if we wanna get wordy, so there was some semantics.
That's okay. I took my deep breath, I grounded in my values and I was like, well, what do I want? I was like, well actually no, like, I don't want to. And, and was kind of, I suppose like a snide, smiley face emoji. That I don't have any alternatives to offer. And anyway, so I was just like, excuse me, but, and I just replied, I suppose with my values.
Oh no, I didn't take it personally or anything. I was like, that's your, your filters, you filtered it through it. Um, and that's cool. But this is what I was saying. But I mean, sometimes I wouldn't even, you know, I wouldn't do anything in an arguey way, but just more like,
Maestro: No. I saw it and I was just like, I just, maybe if you, if you folks are ever wondering things like that, I, I'm never the person that's like, I'm gonna hop into the comments.
I just screenshot things and send it. And I was like, Laura Jean looks like somebody didn't wanna read today. Bless you. People are out here being peopley and it happens, and then we get to choose how we relate with them. Uh, but I was like, we'll definitely bring that up in the podcast episode because I wanted to promote the webinar because I, I know that you folks listening to this feel some kind of way about marketing and advertising and, and online business and things like that.
And I want you to have all the best resources. I want you to have all the options, particularly or the best. I, I want, I'm not taking it away. I want you to have the best resources, what I consider to be the best. Um, and so I wanted to make sure that Laura Jean mentioned that today,. This episode's gonna come out way after it's done, but there's a replay and you can buy the, we'll call it the recording. Um, so that will be linked in the show notes. Um, I'm cognizant at the time cuz I have to wrap this up as well. I'm realizing that I have a call coming up soon, but two questions for you, Laura Jean. Number one, if the people want more m o a r of you, where can they find you?
Laura Jean: So I hang out, um, at dietitian values and normally I don't have to spell that often, I'm talking to dietitians. So it's d i e t i t i a n, no C in dietitian. Just in case you weren't sure.
Dude, it's
Maestro: hard. It's hard.
Laura Jean: It is, it is.
Maestro: It's actually very hard. I have, I struggle with that one. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.
Laura Jean: Yeah. So it's diet titian, um, rather than with a C, it's two T's and that's where I hang out. dietitian values, anywhere and everywhere. That's my website. That's my Instagram. You won't find me on Facebook. Um, well, you'll find me, Laura Jean, but I don't do anything over there. Um, and my podcast as well, dietitian values, which, uh, Shante has been on, uh, twice.
Repeat offender. Um, yeah, so people wanna do that. Um, and I will general genuinely say that I, I really love continuing the conversation, so I'm here to converse and connect about this stuff. Um, whether it's word nerdery, whether it's gardening, or whether it's just, I dunno what else we talked about lots of things.
So do reach out if, uh, what I'm sharing jives, I suppose for you. Um, and yeah, I will have that. I've got a couple of little on-demand webinars, so if that one sounds interesting, if you're interesting in things like trauma informed business practices, I got one on that and one on around, yeah, bringing your values into parts of your business as well. Um, and I do work with people one-to-one, so creating that space. So that is where we talk about alternatives because I'm not gonna bring out my values based way and say, this is what you should do. Um, we'll we would work together to find your values and where you wanna do it.
And it's interesting cuz I feel like a lot of the information I put out is not very strategic, and then when I get in calls with people, like it's often very strategy focused. Um,
Maestro: Action items that makes sense.
Laura Jean: But, you know, it's, it's not, yeah, it's not necessarily what I talk about as such.
But anyway, but I'm here for all of it. I'm here for the nested, cultivating word nerdery conversations, all the down and specific strategies that bring you back to your values or the, the act, like how do I make this decision? Like, had somebody recently we, you know, they were trying to choose between going back to working or staying in their business.
It's like, how do I make this decision with my values? And we walked through that process. So,
Maestro: This, there's the resource that you folks maybe were looking for, and it makes sense, Laura, that you put kind of the wide, uh, out on social and that to me is very in alignment with your values because it's gonna be dependent on that person.
Even when I asked you before, like, Hey, where's the starting point? And you're like, it depends on where they're starting and where they're at, the actual person. And so it makes sense that the things that you're putting out there are more generalized or generalizable. And then for those that are, can, can say, yeah, this, this might be for me, then things get strategic and specific and yeah, obviously very actionable. So, yes. Last question before I hop off, is there anything that you wanna leave the people with?
Laura Jean: Oh, I should have thought about that. I listen to your podcast all the time. I was like, I know that's always the last question. Oh, what?
Um, I'll leave them with my favorite quote that I often ask. Um, and if we circle right back to the start of the conversation, we're planting seeds for a forest we may never get to spend time on. So when you're on the edge, keep throwing those seeds out. Keep throwing out the seeds. Um, and that's your, that's your business.
Cultivating what gets created. Whether the seed gets eaten by a bird or whether a beautiful forest flourishes, we don't know, but we stick in our lane. Or not our lane, but like, you know, focus on what we are here to cultivate, which is beautiful. Whatever. I won't say forest cause not everyone wants happening.
You know, whatever your thing is that you wanna cultivate, go out and do that. Plant the seeds for that. And, um, regardless of what may come, cause we might not be here to see it. And that's just the reality. Ah, keep throwing the seeds.
Maestro: My friends.
Laura Jean: Just keep planting them. It's like seeds. Maybe they won't, but maybe one or maybe many will flourish.
Maestro: I needed that one. It's a good one. Laura Jean, as always, it is my complete and total pleasure to speak with you. All the confirmation bias. You hear me, you see me, I feel known. It's a safe space. And just thank you for everything. Thank you for all that you share with everyone else. Thank you for the time.
It's freaking, I don't know, six o'clock in the morning now. Thank you for how you show up in this world and uh, thank you for all that you are cultivating,
Truly.
Thank you.
Laura Jean: It's nearly seven. I can hear the kids getting breakfast going and stuff, so no one's called out yet. Um, I did hear a little, I was like, ooh, we might have a little visitor here in a minute, but didn't, didn't pop their head in.
Maestro: I love it. I love it. You folks listening, thank you. We know you could have been doing anything and you chose to listen to us and to for that we are both endlessly, endlessly, endlessly appreciative. If you liked this episode, if you loved this episode, if you're picking up while Laura Jean is putting down, do me a solid and go connect with her. That's it. Do me a solid and go connect with her.
Go relate. All right, that's all I got for you then. Until next time, friends, Laura Jean and Maestro, out.
Watch this episode on YouTube!
MOTM #485: Being Seen, Heard, and Known (Part I)
Follow Laura on Instagram: @dietitianvalues
The Authentic, human-centred marketing Webinar
Laura Jean's other webinars
The Dietitian Values Website
Dietitian Values Podcast
Dietitian Values Ep 98: Making the existing business bullshit obsolete with Shante Cofield
MOTM #343: Start with Your Values with Laura Jean
Catch me on the socials: Instagram | YouTube | Twitter | TikTok | Facebook