[Transcript starts at 1:15]
Hey, hello, hello, hello, my podcast people and thank you for joining me for yet another episode of my favorite podcast. If you're listening to this when it drops, it'll be Thursday, October 26. Holy shit. It's almost the end of the month. Hope your October has been great. So today we're going to talk about overcoming comparisonitis on Instagram.
This was a question that I received from my girl, Rachel, and I was going to answer it last Thursday, but then I got all riled up talking about professional photos, and instead recorded an episode about that and moved that episode or moved that question to this week. So speaking of professional photos, hopefully listen to that episode.
I'd love to listen to all the episodes. I enjoy making them. But speaking of professional photos, Jill is about to strong arm me into getting Lex to take pictures of us for our Legacy launch. Y'all know I, I also just hate taking pictures. I don't mind a video. Let me be in a video. Okay, cool. I hate pictures.
I hate posing for shit. It feels fake and weird and I don't want it, but Jill's bigger than me so we'll see. But speaking of Legacy, when this episode when this episode drops all four parts of Business and bullshit With my Bestie will have dropped. Yes we recorded those four parts episodes as part of a soft lead magnet for Legacy, but also because we love shooting the shit and we kind of wanted to see if y'all would be interested in a full podcast that the both the two of us host together. And everyone said yes literally everyone said yes so we are looking to make it happen. This whole time we've been looking to make it happen but it's about timing and logistics but it will happen at some point.
We'll see when.
In the meantime go check out those episodes, especially episode number three and watch it on YouTube. We recorded it in person. Like what a time to be alive. We literally just had like a full on studio set up and all the wires Jill was like, what are you Best Buy and I was like Homo Depot, but it's amazing to me so if you have the opportunity or the time, put it on the big screen, put it on your flat screen, your TV, put it on your computer screen.
Would love for you to check that out. We'll like, we'll link all the things in the show notes. Thank you, Courtney. I'm just so proud of it and when I'm proud of shit, I'm gonna, I'm gonna share it. I'm gonna talk about it. So I would love for you to go check them out, especially episode number three. So in regards to Legacy, uh, we are having an open house next Monday, October 30th. It will be virtual. Obviously there's no obligation to apply for Legacy. We are doing this for folks who want to hear more about the program and see if it would be a good fit for their specific business. As a reminder, Legacy is a six month mentor mind that Jill and I run for female intermediate plus online business owners who want to have their biggest launch.
We are here to teach you how to sell. That is the purpose of this. It's not like a mindset program or like, you know, the soft skills. There's nothing wrong with those things. Um, we're gonna teach you how to sell. That is the focus. So we're going to use the open house to explain how Legacy works. We're going to go over like a high level breakdown of the anatomy of a launch.
Um, so you can also hear how we launch and how we teach things and see if it would be helpful if it fits kind of the way that you want to be launching and maybe if you're like, yeah, actually I don't do that and I'm missing that and I would love help with that. Um, and then we're going to answer any questions that folks may have regarding their specific business and to see how we would help them in Legacy. So if it's something you're interested in, link will be in the show notes. The link to register for the open house is free. And again, there's no obligation to sign up for Legacy. If you just want to be nosy. Okay, cool. That's fine too. Um, but the link for that, the link to register for that will be in the show notes.
It's going to be again, Monday, October 30th at 4 PM Pacific. Um, yes, it'll be a recording, but if you're trying to ask questions then come live. Okay. So the episode today's episode we are talking about overcoming comparisonitis on Instagram. Rachel's question was loosely, how do I deal, how do I deal with feelings of comparisonitis when following my peers and when you actually want to follow your peers?
All right, aka muting them or just unfollowing them isn't the preferred solution. So This came up because she joined a program and it's like, you know, she's the kettlebell queen, joined a kettle, joined a kettlebell program, and is now following some other, other trainers and she wants to be following them.
And she's like, suppose feelings of like comparison and, and stuff come up. What, what are your thoughts? Maybe make an episode about that. Because I had, I always, you know, I speak with her quite, quite, I almost said quite frankly and honestly, which I do, but I speak with her quite frequently. Um, and she was like, I'm always asking for topics and things like that.
And she was like, Hey, how about that? And I was like, I love that topic. So I love this rendition of that question because it's from someone who, in my opinion, is an advanced business owner. Real talk, given the fact that she, I do believe she's an advanced business owner, she probably already legit like dealt with this because I don't even know if she's really having those feelings or if she was just like, here's a topic.
Um, but my guess is that she's already worked through it, but this is why I like the question because it's real. In a previous episode of Business and Bullshit with My Bestie, we talked about the different levels of business owners, the beginners, intermediate, and advanced, and kind of what separates them in terms of what they need.
Jill, like, really broke that down. We also spoke about the mindset shifts that are associated with each, which is why I'm like, Rachel's probably already moved past this because she is an advanced business owner. But I love this question because it is real, and even if you are an advanced business owner, you're a whole ass human and people got feelings, so let's address it.
As it relates to overcoming comparisonitis on Instagram, my suggestion, five A's. Clearly, I've been hanging out with Jill a lot. I got alliteration and I don't have any acronyms, but we got alliteration for, for all the things. So, first A is acknowledge, right? Acknowledge your feels. You are a whole ass goddamn human.
You're gonna have feels about things. No need to should all over yourself. I shouldn't feel like this. I wish I didn't feel like this. You feel like this. Acknowledge it.
Second thing then is analyze your feelings. Why do you feel the way that you do? Is it that you feel like you should be doing more? Does their apparent success trigger you?
Why does it trigger you? Like, why do you feel the way that you do? And this isn't about justifying things. This is literally about getting clinical and breaking it down. Why am I feeling this way? So we're not just having feels and sitting at them. You're having feels.
And then third A, ask yourself why you want their specific outcome and if you want their effort.
Do you want to be doing all the things that that person is doing? I've done an episode about this in the past, speaking about complete comparisonitis. If you could link that, Courtney? Thank you. But with Complete Comparisonitis, we're looking to identify all the things that contribute to that person's success, to that person's outcome.
And from there, we want to look at the things that are a choice. Because there's some things that are God given talents. Like, if someone's just taller than you, you're like, well, I can't change that. Like, there's a difference there. But things that are a choice, all right, between the two of you, and then asking yourself, do I want to do those things?
Right? So what they're selling, how they're selling it, how they're showing up, how frequently they're doing things. Ask yourself, do I want to do that? Do I have the capacity to do that? Right? Complete comparisonitis, super, super important. Instead of just being like, I'm here, they're there, they're doing all this, and I would like that, or that makes me feel some kind of way.
Okay, break it down. What are they done to get to where they're at? What are the things that are, have been active choices for them and things that you can also do? And do you want to do those things?
And that takes us to the fourth A, which is action. As always, my solution to anything is to go and create.
Yes, there's something to be said about just simply like busying yourself so that you don't have time to compare, but I think that if we kind of dissect this a bit more lean into this a bit more and provide like actual bit more helpful information around this I think at the kind of at the center of this at the heart of this is the fact that people want to be helpful, right?
Yes, sales make things better. They make pretty much everything better, but foundationally, inherently, I do believe that people want to feel helpful. And this is something that I have seen, you know, I've worked with hundreds upon hundreds of online business owners and people that are looking to grow their online brand and attract an audience.
And I watch and I see what happens when people get in their feels. It's typically because they have something to say, but more than that, they have something to say that they think is helpful and they want to be helping people. Um, When they're not getting any, um, it's not even so much they're getting validation.
It's when they're not getting interaction and being able to help people, they're like, ah, like I feel useless. I want to be doing more. So that in mind, my suggestion would be to lean into more of what I call top of funnel activities to try and create more opportunities for you to help people. No, they may not be paid, but that's okay.
It's where it starts. So from an Instagram perspective, it would be more Instagram stories. I've always said stories are the most important part of the platform. And if you're looking for more engagement, go in your stories. You can teach, you can share your life. If you want to engage and start off with it, just share your life.
But then you can also sprinkle in teaching, right? Because the things that you're doing, the way that you're living your life likely ties into what you teach so you can show how the message that you preach and teach is what you're actually living and invite the conversation around that. Go and do more Instagram Lives or do any Instagram Lives at all.
I do Instagram Lives. I actually just went on Friday. Right? Interact with your people. Keep showing up there. Write more emails. Do more in person activities. This one is huge. My girl D Spear, I know you're listening. Shout out to you. So fucking proud of you. She just sold out her in person workshop, right?
Like, yes, we can be looking at top of funnel activities that are online because we're talking about Instagram, but also the easiest, fastest, most efficient way to start an online business is in person, right? If you want more engagement, you want to feel more helpful, go in person because you can actually pound the pavement, right?
She went and did that. She went and found a space like that was, she's actually literally took action. Then she did personal reset, reach outs, and she sold out that fucking workshop. That is amazing. Second part of this, right? In terms of like feeling helpful and helping people is if the audience engagement is there and the audience is there, sell something.
As per always, make sure people want it first, wait to create, make sure that they want it. But yeah, sales do make things better. I will say that other people's success feels less quote unquote threatening when you're having your own. So the whole goal here is to try and set up that success. But the reason I didn't frame like that from the get go is that I don't think that necessarily people are wanting success, quote unquote, to feel better. It's they want to feel helpful. So let's create more opportunities for you to feel helpful. AKA a lot more of those top of funnel activities and doing more stuff in person can absolutely be a very, very, very viable starting point for that. Within this, you know, action step, when we're looking at other people's content, because you're going to do it, you're going to scroll, I get it.
We can use that content as inspiration to do more. Alright? Top of, you know, top of mind right now, I'm thinking about Gary V. We could look at him and be like, you know, m-fer has a whole team, and that's why he can put all his stuff out, or we could get inspired by it, inspired by it, and say, how could I do that?
How, what's in my capacity to do something like that? How can I do what I'm doing, but do more, kind of lean into that? Or, You can just dive into what you need to be doing, whatever it is that you know that you need to be doing for your current business and, you know, busy yourself so that, like I said earlier, that you don't have time to compare.
What I want to throw in here is, I brought my guy Sean Pastuch in for a Mafia dinner last week, last Wednesday. And the line that really sticks out to me, that he said, let me actually, I'm on my computer. So let me go look at it so I don't butcher the line. The line that Sean said was, uh, where is it? Where is it?
Courtney, leave all of this in, leave all this in. Oh, he said, “Why don't you just start by doing what you do better? What would better look like?” And so in this case he was speaking with his barber who said he no longer really wants to be a barber. He wants to move away from that and he was like, I don't know what to do I don't really know what I want to do.
I don't know how to change things. And Sean respond to him and replied to him with why don't you just start by doing what you do better? What would better look like and in this case? It wasn't just cutting hair right. The barber was, Sean asked him, he's like, “what do you do?” He's like I- and what do people come in here for? And the barber said they come in here for a haircut and conversation. And so Sean was like, okay, well, you don't want to be a barber, so you don't have to become a better barber, but what if you became a better, better at conversation, right, and you leaned into that. What would that look like? And so, within this action step, I would say that if you're looking to overcome comparisonitis, if you're looking to busy yourself, if you're looking to do more, you could simply start off with, what am I currently doing, and how can I do it better? What would better look like?
All right, the fifth and final A is accept. And we're going to accept the fact that these feelings that you have, these feelings, and that they may come back, right? Like, you're alive, like, you're a person. You may have a down day, and then you see someone's post and you're like, God, I just feel like they have it all together.
Like, yes, I would love if you don't have those feelings at all, but I also want to accept the fact that if they do come, they come. And then if they do… we go back to step number one, a la Brian McKnight. We all know that song. I think a bunch of you are about my age. I'm 38, born in 1985, and we know that song back at one.
High school, not high school dance. Probably a little bit younger than that. Middle school dance. You know, I was going to sing it and I was like, no, let me hold myself back. I'm going to hold it back. Right. But we know, we know what we're talking about. So you get to that accept, and then you're like, what do I do next?
We go back to step one.
So again, those five steps for overcoming comparisonitis on Instagram, number one, acknowledge your feels. Number two, analyze why you feel that way. Number three, ask if you want their outcome and their effort, right? That's complete comparisonitis there. Number four, action. Take action, create opportunities to be and feel helpful.
And then step number five, the fifth A, accept that the feelings might come back. And if they do come back, channel Brian McKnight and start back at one.
All right. Gonna drop a little review here. I'm going to read a review because we got a new review, folks. I'll give you an announcement after that, and then we'll be done.
So this review, bless you, comes from KW Strong Mom. Just my heart explodes. My heart explodes. I can't read the full title. It says business owner life made- I'm going to guess that that last part is easy. It truncates it on, um, Apple podcasts. And so I don't know what that says, but I can read the whole message.
This person said, Listening to Shanté and the ins and outs of how to make life easier as a business owner is one of my favorite parts of the week. Something she says always applies to what I'm working on and it feels like a gentle push to just keep going and doing the thing. I'd give this eleventy billion stars if I could.
I told you folks, I don't read these before I actually record this episode. I screenshot it, but I don't read it. And I put it up there and I would just pray that it's not a bad one. I know it's not a bad one because I can see that it says five stars at the top, but I don't know if it's gonna be something bad.
Um, I'm thinking right now, like, what would I do if I read a bad one? Would I edit it out? No. I wouldn't edit it out. I'd be like, well, here we go. Um, but, KW Strong Mom, you're fucking awesome. Like, this made my day. Eleventy billion stars. Just… Thank you. You are the best. All of you are the best. You listen, you tune in.
I would love a review if you want to leave one. I know it takes a little bit longer than leaving a rating. Um, if you leave a rating, five stars should be great. But I would love a review. I do read every single one of them. So, thank you. One quick announcement, one little reminder, and then we are done.
Do not forget to register for the Legacy Open House! If you're wondering if Jill and I can help you, or if we would be a good fit, if Legacy would be a good fit for your business. You got questions, by all means, DM me, text me if you want. 310 737 2345. It is me. The line is green. The texts are green. It's my sideline. But it's me, I promise. So, would love to have you at the open house if, if you've got questions. The link for register, to register will be in the show notes. All right? All right? All right. Shout out to Rachel for the question for today's episode. If y'all got questions, comments, concerns, suggestions, requests, same, same.
Text me, DM me. Either way, all I'm saying, folks, I'd love to hear from you. Okay? Okay. Officially gonna wrap it up here. Until next time, friends. Maestro, out.
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MOTM #386: How To Deal With Comparisonitis
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