[Transcript starts at 1:21]
Hello, hello, hello, my podcast people, and thank you for joining me for yet another episode of my favorite podcast. Today we are talking about how to handle trolls and negative comments on social media. If you're listening to this episode when it drops, it is Monday, January 15th. Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Also, If you're listening to this today that it drops, that means that I held the live event or Lex and I held the live event for our LextroMind last week. I will catch you up on that in the next episode because at the time of recording this, it hasn't happened yet. I will continue to speak about the weirdness of recording a podcast because you record it before things have happened and you're like in the future, but you're in the past, but you're in the present.
So yeah, I'll catch you up on that, uh, that next episode where I will update you on the LextroMind live event. It means that I will have also hosted the first Legacy live event, but I'm going to record that before the Legacy live event again, but in the past, but in the future. So I'll update you on all the things after they have happened, right?
January, it's a busy, busy month and I'm here for it. Soft suggestion for you to go back and listen to past episodes that I've done, um, about planning. Especially, I did one episode that was something like how I'm planning for 2024. Thank you, Courtney. You can link that episode. Um, but I'm really big into, big into, big about seasonality.
Um, and really leaning into seasonality as it relates to the entire year. And you know that I like to do less at the end of the year so that I have the energy and the excitement about fulfillment at the beginning of the year. So I think it is also worth noting that like, it's still winter time, so for some people they're like not trying to do much of anything, although the calendar year changing does, you know, tend to bring some or inject some energy into people's, like, lives, um, but it's warm ish here, um, so that kind of, oh, it's dark and gloomy winter, I don't have that.
So I rest at the end of the year, December is like a big rest month. And then January I hit the ground hard running and it's all about fulfillment. This is especially cause I'm in the online business space. And so the people I'm working with are online business owners. So I'm working with them to do a lot of behind the scenes stuff so that they can launch their client facing stuff in, you know, March and April when the general population is ready to do things.
So. Anyway, let's move into the episode this one based on the outline I wrote might be a little longer, but we shall see cuz I'm already speaking fast I can feel it cuz I'm excited about this one. But today we're talking about how to handle trolls and negative comments on social media. I received this question from my girl Maddie in the DMS and then I went through my emails- of note I read every single email that y'all send me.
I send emails out. People respond. I read all of them I can't always respond to all of them, but I do read every single one, so if you're listening to this, you're on the newsletter, you're part of the newsletter. If you want to join, we'll link that as well. Thank you, Courtney. Um, but if you are listening to this and you're like, or watching this, and you're wondering, I promise I read every single response.
It's just sometimes I can't get back, most of the time I cannot get back to them, but I do read them. So, uh, Maddie had DM'd me about this very question and then Kinsey asked basically the exact same question. So I was like, let me do an episode. And I want to shout out to both of them, both of them with very cool names, by the way, um, but I want to shout out both of them because they did go to the website first and they said it in their inquiries, they were like, I checked in the website, maybe I missed it. But I'm wondering your thoughts on X if you could help me with X and I'm like, yes. This is asked in such a kind way. So just thank you both of you.
So my short answer to how to Jill Wow my short answer on how to deal with trolls and negative comments on social media It's to ignore them. Don't feed the trolls, right?
You're never going to change their mind. Nothing good will ever come out of those conversations slash arguments that you're gonna have. But I do realize that this is much easier said than done, so I want to kind of unpack the feelings around trolls and the feelings around negative comments, so hopefully you can simply process those feelings faster because you're going to have them, right?
So the solution isn't to pretend that you don't have them, like, oh, it doesn't bother me. Because it is going to bother you, right? To me, the action item here is how can I process things quicker or more quickly so that I can move forward faster?
Of note, I have to say that I have never really experienced any kind of significant trolling or negative comments.
And I think that this is for a few reasons. Number one, I don't speak about particularly inflammatory or like, you know, really big things. I talk about online business and posting on Instagram. Like it's not that, it's not that serious. All right. And before then it was like you know, movement stuff and PT stuff.
While I know the khaki brigade thinks that it's like the be all, fucking end all, it's not, it's not that fucking serious. Number two, I have always gotten ahead or tried to get ahead of comments or negative comments inside of my captions by saying things like, I have no idea if this will help you, it's worked for me and my clients, and that's why I'm sharing it, feel free to never try it if you don't want to.
That's why I'm putting it out there. If, you know, it does take me longer to write captions. And when I teach my Instagram intensive, I speak about this. I do take a long, a longer time to write captions. I sit and think about what might someone say, and then I eight mile it and I fucking say it first. And this way, when someone's like, but what about, I'm like, but what about paragraph number three?
I have literally done that. I think about a time recently when I was talking about AI and that you have to, like, you can use it to cut down your, your, your work, you can use it to cut down your writing, right? If you write a lot and you're like, I want to shorten this, you can use it to do that. Summarize things.
And I was like, but you still have to go through and correct it and inject, infuse your voice. And someone was like, but what about the fact that it loses your voice? And I was like, please go back. And read the comment, read the caption. And she was like, Oh, sorry about that. Right. So I try to get ahead of it.
Third reason I think that I haven't experienced a ton of trolling and negative comments is that the algorithm on Instagram is very insulating. Right. And I've never gone viral. I lead with my values and the algorithm is going to serve my stuff to people that are like valued, like minded. And so like, there's not just, there's just not a lot of like, you know, headbutting or anything like that.
When you go viral, if you go viral, that changes. I've never gone viral. So that hasn't been an issue. Right? This is reason eleventy billion that I do champion a slow burn, long play game. Because if you don't go viral, like you don't get these weird people that are just like, you're like, where the fuck did you come from?
Like they're on a different part of the, of the algorithm or a different part of Instagram. You still get that crossover when you, if and when you go viral. So just something to think about there. And then number four, fourth reason why I think I haven't gotten trolled, you know, or a lot of negative comments is that I show up and I teach people how to treat me.
I say things, I have done posts that I say, that I have said, I don't want to have my brain picked. I fucking hate it. And I've specifically said it so that people don't come and comment that to me. And then if someone does say, I want to pick your brain, I can literally send them that, that post. I'm like, I don't want it.
I think additionally, you know, I talked about this in the episode, the two episodes I did about the Garth Brooks documentary. In that documentary, he says every blessing is a curse and every curse is a blessing. And you know, that just means two sides to every coin. And for me, what I'm thinking about right now is how I look, right?
I look like this. If you don't know what I look like, I don't know how you don't know what I look like, but if you don't know what I look like, go check me out on YouTube, check me out on Instagram. You'll see how I look. I look like this, which honestly stops white women from speaking nonsense on my page.
I watch them speak nonsense on other white women's page, but they don't say shit to me because I look like this. All right? Every blessing is a curse. Every curse is a blessing. If I went viral, I know that I would get comments about how I look from men, from women. I know that I would, but for now, me looking like this is actually protective.
It is a blessing. Uh, and so I think that's another reason that I don't, I don't get those comments, right? So I just wanted to put that out there. I like to, I don't want to say cover my bases, but I do like to acknowledge all of the things before I go and give advice, right?
So what do you actually do when you get trolled or when you get negative comments? Honestly, if it's just a comment, just go fucking delete it and move on. Swipe swipe, move on, or just leave it and move on.
Right. Ignore it. If it's like, if you think that deleting it is going to cause more of an issue, then just don't delete it. Just leave it and move on. You can also hide comments if you want, right? If you're worried about that person, you can block that person. But if you're just like, ah, I don't even want to deal, just leave it.
Literally just leave it and move on. If the person actually wanted to talk, they would DM you. They put it on your page because they want attention. You going back and forth with them is giving them exactly what they want and it's doing literally nothing to improve the situation. It's doing nothing to change their mind.
It's doing nothing to defend your honor. Nothing. So don't feel, don't feel about, don't feed the Trolls.
Two things here. Uh, number one, when it comes to feeding the Trolls, if that's your thing, and you enjoy it, go off. Go ahead. More power to you. I'm thinking about Meredith Root here, and she loves that shit.
It's funny to read. So go and do it. Of note, she also isn't writing in to me asking how to handle the trolls. Like, she knows how she wants to handle them. She's, she's not negatively or, negatively or adversely affected, impacted by them saying it. Like, yes, these things may, like, bother her to some extent, but, like, she likes interacting with them. So I'm like, please, go do it. Do more of what you like, alright? I fully support it. My action items here and my advice It's for people who clearly don't want to argue and are negatively impacted by trolls and those negative comments.
As it relates to, second point here, as it relates to defending your honor when you're responding to trolls and the negative comments, that's not what you're actually doing when you go back and forth in the comments section, right?
Kinsey brought up a really great point in the email she sent me because she was just like, I think that a lot of us use this idea of defending our honor as a way to justify argumentative actions, right? She basically said, I don't want potential customers to get the wrong idea about me by not commenting, right?
Someone says something and I don't, I don't comment back, like, and I don't defend my honor, I don't want these customers to, these potential customers to think negatively of me. And I think that we kind of tell ourselves this story, but it's just that, like, our feelings are hurt. And we're like, but I should just, like, say something.
And we kind of, like, try to say, oh, I'm saying this because, you know, I don't want, you know, potential customers think the wrong thing of me, when it's really just like my feelings are hurt and I want to say something. If that's the case, go and fucking go say something, alright? But it's not going to actually change that person's mind, alright?
If a potential customer is going to believe the trash that a troll writes on your post, you don't want that customer, plain and simple, alright?
Yes, in reality, the negative comments, they hurt our feelings. We want to be liked. We don't like being misunderstood. We're a social species. We want that person to understand us and understand what we're actually like.
But it ain't gonna happen. That person has made up their mind, so let them, alright? There's a phenomenal post shared by Sharon Says So, um, this past weekend. And it's from, it's a real, by this woman, Alex Elle. I've never heard of her before. I feel like I should have heard of her because she has like a million something followers, and I was like, I don't know who this is, but either way, it was a really good reel and the overall message was, let people be wrong about you.
And I was like, that's great. This is a nice reminder. And she acknowledges like, it's much easier said than done. It's really hard. But I was like, yeah, sometimes these messages just need to be said. So we will link that reel. You can check it out. Thank you, Courtney.
I think the follow up action item here is to show up with so much authenticity that the right people simply don't believe the bullshit that the trolls are writing.
Yes, this is again, somewhat preventative in terms of an action item, but Instagram is a long play game and I want to set you up for future success. While, if you think about getting trolled, while exposure therapy is very, very real, ultimately, I don't think that the goal is to try and go get negative comments or go get trolled as fast as possible.
Like if you want to, and that's how you live, fine. It's not what I want. I am a sensitive person, right? Jill gets on me and by gets on me I mean, she makes fun of me in a loving way, but I'm a highly sensitive person. I don't, I want to be liked. I don't want people saying mean things. So I'm not going to actually go and try to receive negative comments, right?
I think that the goal, once again, is simply to show up with so much authenticity that the right people simply don't believe the bullshit. And they'll go to bat for you if and when those negative comments happen. I'm thinking about Heather McMahon right now. She's a comedian. If you don't know her, you can go check her out.
She's fucking hilarious. But she was on like ESPN or SportsCenter or something like that. And of course, all the brochachos came out. Like, what is this woman? Who is this woman? What does she even know about sports? And her fucking people went at them. And it was actually really great to watch. I was like, fuck yes.
All right. The people will go to bat for you. I love it. There is an approach out there that speaks about making art. And it basically says to make art that people really either love or they really hate. Right? They either really love it or they really hate it. To me, this is simply saying, don't be tofu, which I totally agree with.
It's like literally a line that I say in my Instagram intensive. Don't be tofu, right? Tofu just takes in the flavor of everything else. I think that folks who are naturally more polarizing or who enjoy being polarizing, would like to look at that quote as intentionally creating something that people will either really love or really hate.
But to me, if you're looking to create something intentionally that people will either really love or really hate, that's still pandering. And I'm not sure that that was the intent of the person whoever it was that first uttered that phrase, because they're speaking about art. And to me I put artists in this same category and Rachel Strickland leads the charge. She speaks for all the artists to me. And I don't think that that artist was saying that. I think that what that artist the original artist was saying with that message was pour your whole self into your work.
That is how you avoid being tofu because it has all of your flavor. We're not worrying about how the art is received, We're focusing on how it's being created. Big, big difference. Big difference, right? There's a phenomenal quote by Andy Warhol that I just heard. Uh, my girl Frannie sent it in her like Friday night email and it says, “Don't think about art, just get it done.
Let everyone else decide if it's good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they're deciding make even more art.” Fuck yes. Fuck yes.
I think that we should honestly simply expect that trolls and negative comments are gonna happen at some point, But don't go looking for it and don't go intentionally inviting it.
Alright, how do we do that? Well, if you're a dude and you're listening to this, don't be a dick. I'm just gonna say if you're dude, don't be a fucking dick. Very simple. You don't want negative comments, If you're not trying to invite them, don't be a dick. If you're a woman and you're listening to this, then expect that your mere existence is going to trigger someone.
Probably another woman. It's the reality. So, focus on lifting others up and surround yourself with those who want to lift you up. All right, simple as that.
I suppose, you know, as I was writing this, writing the art outline for this and thinking about my response to this question and the advice I would give, I'm like, you know, I suppose someone out there would be like, well, you should probably take a moment and ask yourself if these statements, these negative comments, if they hold any truth, fuck that person.
Fuck that person. I, but also I guess the flip side here is that if someone who doesn't know you is commenting on your post about your appearance, then yes, there's a good chance that maybe that comment as mean as it is, holds some truth. Flipside, if someone who doesn't know you is commenting on your post about your character, let that person be blocked and be blessed.
Leila Hormozi actually did a, I saw a reel come up, I don't follow her, but like a reel came up from her and it was about this, and she basically like 8 miled it, right, where she was just like, I was getting all these comments. She has a very deep voice, like. Objectively, she has a deeper voice. And so she was getting these comments, and yes, the comments went too far, or they trended, like, too much towards, like, the negative side of things, but at the heart of it, it was, she was, like, they were saying things that were true, where, like, yes, I do have a very, very deep voice for a woman.
And yeah, you know, how I go about things is like, let's say more masculine, more masculine energy. And she was like, when I accepted those things and I was like, yeah, she was like, the comments stopped bothering me as much. Right. So I liked that, that Reel I can't even find it. Cause it was, it's like came across my feed a good some time ago, but she found the truth in it and she was just like, yeah, like there is some truth in that, but it doesn't have to be negative.
And I don't have to, you know, have it affect my self worth and self confidence. She was like, yeah, it's true. I have a deep voice. All right. So again, if someone who doesn't know you is commenting on your appearance, there's a good chance, maybe there's some truth to it. As much as it hurts our feelings, there's some truth to it.
And I think the way you get over that is by saying, yeah, well, there's some truth to it. And then if someone's commenting about your comment, your comment, your character, they don't know you. Fuck that person, right? Be blocked and be blessed.
At the end of the day, when it comes to dealing with trolls and negative comments on social media, someone is always going to have some shit to say.
Always! Especially if you go viral, right? Especially if you leave your insulated, nice, friendly portion of the Instagram algorithm. If you're choosing to use Instagram or social media for online business, you're choosing to put yourself out there, accept the reality and the very real possibility that these negative comments and these trolls may come and then commit to showing up with so much goddamn authenticity that the right folks simply cannot, will not, do not believe the bullshit.
All right. From there, if, and when the negative comments and the trolls come, focus on the people who support you and focus on the people who you are trying to help.
Alrighty. Look at that timing. That's good timing. Spoke fast. Long outline, but I spoke fast. Big shout out to you, the folks who support me. Big shout out to you, the folks who I'm trying to help.
Extra big shout out to Maddie and Kinsey for inspiring this episode. Oh, I almost knocked the thing off my desk. If you're listening to this, have any requests, any questions, anything like that, DM me, The Movement Maestro. Shoot me a little texty text, 310 737 2345. Don't send me an email. Maddie sent me or Kinsey sent me an email because I sent an email first but don't just email me because I don't want it.
DM me, text me with your, your, uh, requests. Would love to hear them. All right? All right. It's all that I got for you today. As always, endlessly, endlessly, endlessly appreciative for every single one of you. Until next time, friends. Maestro out.
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