Full Transcript: MOTM #567: Is Struggle a Prerequisite for Success?

[Transcript starts at 1:12]

/ Hello, hello, hello, my podcast people, and thank you for joining me for yet another episode of my favorite podcast. If you're listening to this when it drops, it is Monday, April 1st. Happy April Fool's Day. Happy April. Hopefully no one's doing any nonsense with you. Today, we're talking about struggle as a prerequisite.

I can't really say that word for success and whether or not I think it is kind of going into my story. This episode is inspired by a question from my girl, Anna. Thank you for that question. Um, I'm excited to dive into this as I was outlining it. I was like, Oh, I got a lot more to say about this than I thought.

So we're going to hop on into the, um, little updates and then we'll jump into the episode. Let me actually, I'm going to raise the desk up a little bit here. Okay. But leaving that in because One take Jake here, right? Uh, so it feels like it's been a minute since I gave any life updates, but I think that's because last week, last Monday was a guest episode with my guy, Matt McKin I want to call him Matt McKynes, Matt McInnes Watson.

Dude is just the best. Apologies in advance, folks, for the audio on that episode. His audio is great. Mine ━━── I have a bone to pick with Riverside, ─ but at the end of the day, also, it's, it's on me too, right? We know when it comes to backups, one is none, two is one. I had none and Riverside fucked up. And then I had to do a bunch of, you know, pretending that I'm a fucking sound engineer on that episode.

So ─ either way, the episode was still phenomenal. Hopefully you, you gave it a, you gave it a listen. If not, put it in the queue, go get a listen after this. But, um, ─ as for the life updates last weekend. I did a whole bunch of nothing and it was phenomenal. Volleyball was canceled both on Saturday and Sunday because of the wind, right?

We think about rain as canceling it, but we absolutely will get winded out. That's my least favorite element. Um, so I spent, Lex and I spent basically all day on Saturday on the couch and it was phenomenal. Exactly what I needed, exactly what we needed. Um, as for the apartment updates, we got the planter, finally came in.

It's like a Stonehenge kind of head and I love it. I was looking at kind of mid century modern stuff and then I was like, you know what? I want some like, something fun. So switched it up, got that. Um, we also got a popcorn machine. I have a vision for the living room and that was part of the vision and it is Phenomenal.

We actually made popcorn on Saturday and watched movies, and it was great. Like, I like, like legit, like, you know, like a little cart, red cart. One of those popcorn machines. Loved it. Uh, I ordered a new chair for the living room. I was gonna kind of go with more of the, um, What is it? The, like the Scandi, mid century Scandi vibe that when we have the symmetrical things that tends to be more of like the Scandinavian impact, um, or influence rather.

But I was like, I think we're going to go asymmetrical for this. I'll get the one chair. We'll see. Because I have a, the living room is essentially floating right now. I floated the sofa. It's forward. It's away from the wall. There's a bunch of walking space behind it. That's where the popcorn thing is. So I've created like a smaller living room area.

Um, and. There's going to be two chairs, well we'll go to sleep, there's going to be one chair as of right now facing the sofa and I got that chair, I'm really excited, we ordered it, but we didn't receive it yet, but I'm like, oh, that added some nice texture to the room, just, it's fun, it kind of reminds me of Marshmallow, but it's still mid century modern and I'm excited about it, so we'll see what happens with that, um, I'm tentatively going to switch out, Lex's ceiling fan that's in her office, um, after I record this.

So we'll see tonight. Hopefully I don't get electrocuted. Uh, I think I can do it. It's not like I'm putting in a ceiling fan. It's already there. It's just, she doesn't like it. And it's cheaper to just swap out the whole fan as opposed to it. It has one of the boob lights, you know what I'm talking about?

The actual light fixture part of it. So you gotta switch that out instead of switching that the light fixture, it's cheaper to just get a whole new fan. So ─ hopefully. You hear from me and I didn't die. Um, but I should be totally fine. I also got a new keyboard. If you're watching the video, you can see it.

This is the new keyboard. Look at that. Branding on point. My guy Forrest, uh, I brought him on the podcast before we can, uh, ─ drop that link. Thank you, Courtney. He made this for me. It's his new thing. He's gonna be moving soon and I'm really sad about it, but, um, he's just like, he shows his love in, in really fun ways.

And one of them is. Making things um, and so he made me this dope new keyboard. It lights up. It's pretty fucking dope I don't want to touch it and then show it because then like it's a keyboard It's attached and I don't want to mess up the outline that I have here, but just trust me. It's very cool Um speaking of farce lex and I went on a double date with him and his boo bethany.

She's amazing We went to an escape room. Love it uh We escaped. We got a lot of clues, not gonna lie, but we did escape and it was really fun. Uh, and then we went out for a Korean barbecue. Lex's first time, flavored her up. She loved it. It was great. All around great night. Again, I am sad that Faris is leaving, but I think that kind of like has lent itself to us hanging out more, so. ─

A good coming out of that, um, in general work has been a bit more chill. Finally, uh, Q1 is really heavy on fulfillment, like client customer fulfillment, it's delivering, it's helping people through their launches and things like that. And we're kind of coming towards closer towards the tail end of that.

Um, I'm done with my own personal launch, right? I did, uh, the Instagram intensive. And so that has. It's just, you know, on the, it's, I'm on the easier side now on the fulfillment side of actually running the intensive. So ─ things are a bit easier, right? Um, speaking of though, I have, or I'm going to be coming out with or releasing a self paced DIY do it yourself version of Instagram for online business.

It's called the Instagram business blueprint. Yes, that is the same name as the masterclass that I ran in February. I turned that masterclass into a self paced course. Really bomb. Uh, I'm going to be releasing that and I've already released it to folks that didn't sign up for the intensive and they are loving it.

So I'm going to do a full release. ─ Folks on my email list will get the best discount and probably the only discount we'll see. Um, so if you're not on the email list, join, we'll drop the links for that in the show notes. Um, but if you've been wondering, or not wondering, wanting a, a cheaper, more in it and.

It's less expensive way to learn Instagram from my business or to work with me. I, some folks were just like, you know, I'd like to the intensive, but like I can't commit to the timeframe and or just like, I can't commit to the financial investment. All right. I hear you. I got you. Uh, so finally I have put this product out.

The reason I didn't do it before was because within the intensive, I include a large portion of it actually tonight's call that I'm going to run. It has the technical side of it and how to actually create the post and kind of create stories. That is always changing on Instagram and I just can't keep up with the changes and like changing that in the course.

So I just, I used to have a course called Instagramming with the Maestro. I took it down. This new course doesn't have any of that in it. It is about how to use Instagram for online business, how to show up and things that are honestly evergreen. Like I will not have to upgrade, update the course, much of the course because The basics will always hold true and that's what's delivered in this course.

So that's going to be coming out probably sometime in April. Um, I know it's April 1st when this launches, when this releases. So it'll be out in the next few weeks. So if you're not on the email list, get on the email list and you will be the first to know. ──── One more thing there. ─────━━─── Boss Up 2024 is coming back, folks.

Or I guess I should say Boss Up is coming back and we're doing it Boss Up 2024 style. Um, we will be releasing, Jill and I will be releasing tickets for that very soon as well. We are squaring a few things away. Um, again, get on the email list because those are the folks that get early access ─ and you're going to want to get early access for that.

All right. So keep your eyes tuned for that. We'll keep your eyes open for that. ─ Last thing before I hop into the, the actual topic for today, been doing some sprints on the assault bike. Thanks to dockless fitness. They're terrible. Uh, I spoke about her in the, uh, like obsession episode. ───━── They suck. I don't like them, but I'm doing them, and I'll keep you posted.

I've done it twice so far, and I was like, well, I have this assault. Like, I think it's the best thing to do. Like, best, you know, monostructural modality to do it on. Just, it's so easy. It just crushes you, cuz you're moving your arms as well. I think it's also made for, like, a big ass man, but ── yeah, I'll keep you posted on All right.

Let's hop into today's topic. Not going to lie though. I really enjoy giving those updates and I enjoy hearing them too. I've been listening to Aaron and Brian's podcast again a bit. And I love the beginning part. I'm like, what have you been up to? What are you doing? How's life? Uh, so I enjoy delivering them as well.

But today's episode, we're talking about. ─━━ And is it, or is it not a prerequisite, ━── hard to say, for success? Again, this episode is inspired by a conversation that I had with my girl, Anna, and she, she asked, she was like, basically like, what's your story? Have you had some major struggle in your life? She's like, I consider you successful.

I consider you very smart. And just wondering what that background looks like. And I was like, This is a great idea. So we talked about it and I was like, I'll also do, you know, podcast episode about this. But I do think that as a society, we champion the struggle too much. I am not sure if it is because our brains want to find meaning in things.

And so like when bad things happen, we have to ascribe meaning to it. And so we're like, the struggle was worth it because it allowed me to do this thing. Uh, I don't know if it's because our brains just remember things via stories and whoever started these stories, like, Talking about people, bootstrapping it and like, we just remember that story and we like it.

We'd love the hero's journey, whether or not it's actually true. ─── Either way, we champion the struggle, which I'm fine with. I just don't really agree with, you know, setting it as a requirement. That's much easier than prerequisite, uh, for success ── at the real, real coaches summit, Sean, my guy, Sean Pestuch, love that guy.

Um, he was speaking and someone asked him a question about like struggle and loss. And, and he basically said that in order, he believes that in order to be a good leader, you need to have experienced significant loss. And I can't say that I 100 percent agree with it. And I know that I had like a, definitely had like a knee jerk reaction to it.

And I was, and I'm not sure if I was like, well, no, I disagree. Cause that's not my story. Or if I'm like. ─ Take a moment. And also, I don't agree with it because it's not my story. And because it's not my story means that it doesn't like have to be true. I don't know, but either way ━ I sat with it and I do not think that I, you know, I, I do not a hundred percent agree with it. ─

I think that, um, perhaps what he's saying is that ─── you have to value things in order to be a good leader, but I'm not sure if loss is required. in order to value things. So it absolutely helps, right? And I think that's kind of where, and we're going to get into this more, ── but yeah, I can't say that I fully agree with that.

So back to this idea of struggle as a prerequisite for success. ─ As always, when I'm looking at things, I'm trying to dissect things. I want to see if this idea, this premise holds true across the board. If, you know, how many areas, Does it hold true for it? Does it hold true for as many areas as possible, especially regarding areas that we've already agreed on, right?

The things that we're currently living with and being like, yeah, we just like kind of accept as fact. Uh, and so logically my brain, logically, my brain always goes to sport and within sport, like let's ask ourselves, is struggle a prerequisite for success? ── No, it's not ─ hard work. I want to say yes, but we're going to get into that as well.

But like the question is, has every successful player overcome Some career ending injury, right? Has every successful player overcome some incredible struggle? ─ No, ─ they haven't. Right. I think we love hearing the story of the kid from the hood who, you know, beat the odds and then now is, is a bajillionaire and can support his, his mom.

But like, ── fuck, no, he didn't need that struggle in order to be successful. He didn't need that hardship in order to be great. He overcame it and he's successful in spite of it. ─ Not because of it, right? Hell, he might even be better if he didn't have to deal with all of that. Like the mental load. Or she didn't have to deal with that, right?

All the mental load of that. ── Right? But I think people like that story because they don't want the other story on their conscience, right? Like what if we have a story of like actually they would have been better off without that struggle Then suddenly we're like, oh like should I have done more? Could I have done more?

Whereas it's just nice to have that tie a bow on it and be like they had a hard time But look look at they're better for it. Are they? ─ Are they? I don't fucking, I don't know. Like, I don't, I don't know. So what about hard work, then? Is hard work a prerequisite for success? I want to say yes, but also I think this is going to be subjective, right?

Because hard work for some may be easy for someone else and may be impossible for another person, right? So there's a subjectivity nature in there. And this makes me think of Rudy. Fuck that movie. Like, let's, I'm just going to say, fuck that movie, right? Like, ── Dude is struggling the whole time and then also working hard and in my opinion he didn't even succeed.

Like he played for five seconds and got a tackle I guess but then it was like done. I'm like ───────── okay, like was that necessary for success? If that's what he views as success, okay, but in general no. Like, ───── I think that we, what we can take away from all of this is that hard work can make us value our success. ─

If we're the type of person who values hard work, like I think that's it. That's the only thing we can really walk away with or take away with from that. Right. So ── Anna asked. ─ what my story was. She was like, did you have to overcome something major, have major struggle, you know, to get where you are today?

And I was like, two things. One, I don't think so. And two, I think that this answer has a lot of subjectivity and relativity to it. I think that some of the things that others might view as negatives, have become instrumental and foundational for my success. Arlen Hamilton refers to this kind of concept as being underestimated as opposed to being underrepresented, right?

So I am black, I'm Puerto Rican, I'm gay, I'm female, and some folks may say that those things in and of themselves create struggle. ─ One, that is not always the case. So stop assuming hardship. Like we saw this during COVID when people are like, I want a disability and I'm just going to like give BIPOC people discounts.

And I was like, but don't assume that black people or BIPOC people are poor. Like ─ listen. And if they say that that's the case for their lived experience, then ─ act accordingly. But just to like, assume every black person is poor. And that's the reason that they're not signing up for your thing. I'm like, that's problematic. ────━━

Stop assuming hardship, but listen when people say that they've experienced hardship. ────── So one, it's not always the case that, ── you know. You have the overcoming that, that some, that someone's existence implies hardship. Uh, number two, for me personally, ─ I grew up in an incredibly supportive mom. Y'all know, I, I, I sing my mom's praises all the time.

Um, and I will never stop shouting her, her praises and I'll never stop shouting, you know, shouting out moms as superheroes. I had incredibly, incredibly supportive mom. And then from there and incredibly supportive families, my grandma, I think about my aunts, like they were there for me ─━ to that. I say, when people believe in you.

believe them, right? When those people are the closest people in your life, I think you do have an advantage, and I think that gave me a huge advantage. So, ────── Some things that are within my, my existence, right? That people may consider stereotypical struggle and kind of how I viewed it. One, I grew up without my biological father. ──

I like, I'm fine with this. Like I had my mom and that's why, again, I will champion my mom. I had my grandma, I had my aunts, I had a stepdad that were in and out of the picture there, but mainly I had my mom and my grandparents, my grandma, my aunts. ── I was fine. ─ Some people can view that as a struggle. Maybe it was for some people.

Maybe some people in that situation would have had a lot of struggling with that. And I didn't. ─── I am gay. I grew up gay. I've always known I was gay. Overall, I've had a great experience. I went to prom with a girl. My high school experience was actually very, very good. If you listen to the episodes that I was on, Erica Webb and Micah, Micah Riott's podcasts, we will link those in the show notes.

Not the ones that they came on to my podcast, but. When I was on theirs, I speak about this. Um, if you want to kind of take a deep dive into that, listen to those episodes. Um, but I never came out. Straight people don't come out. I was like, why the fuck I gotta come out? ─── Yes, there are certain places that I don't want to travel and I don't want to live, but also I think those places suck.

And so I'm like, it's fine. I live in the best place. I can live here. It's fine. ───── I think though, the, you know, the, the, ─── I don't know, the tie in here of that, it's not automatically a struggle or it's a struggle for some, but also with like, it's a shared, a lived experience that can be shared and understood.

Good. I think that, that last part that I spoke about, not wanting to live or go places, certain places, is the experience of many women, where there's like, I don't feel safe there, fucking dudes suck, and like, that's, I don't want to go, I don't want to walk at night, I have to, you know, women are like, I, I gotta check the backseat in my car, I park under the streetlights, like, I'm watching all the time to see who's walking around, like, ──── this is not an experience that's, you know, unique to me, is what I'm saying there. ─

Uh, I'm black. In case you didn't know. Maybe you haven't seen. Maybe go look at YouTube. I'm black. I'm black and Puerto Rican. Um, but that was also not really an issue for me, right? I grew up in a very white town. ─── But I was good at things and, I mean, and I was good at things that society valued. I was good at sports.

I was good at academics. ─ I was very socially adept and I had no issues with that. Again, this is not to say that systemic racism isn't real because it's very fucking real and that other people's stories of struggle Because of their race isn't real. It's very real and it's very valid. I listen to those people when they speak.

This is a discussion that actually I had with J pop back in 2020, when racism popped off. It's always been a thing with 2020. We know it's popping. Uh, I felt kind of weird sharing my voice and my story. Cause I didn't have this traditional stereotypical struggle or hardship. ─ At least not in my perception.

And she was like, that's exactly why you need to share. ─ I'm it's important to see black joy. It's important to see black ease. It's important to see black success without struggle. And I was like, okay, ─ thank you. Thank you for that permission. ────── Uh, another thing, you know, that people might view as a traditional struggle is we didn't have a lot of money growing up, but flip side, we have more money than some other people.

Like, again, this is why I'm trying to introduce that relativity and how we view things and how we respond to things and just how things affect us. Yes. I took out a shit ton of loans for school, but I've taken radical responsibility for that. At least I could go to school. ──── It could have been worse with, you know, ── my mom always found a way for me to play soccer.

Yes. I had to work and like pay for cleats and things like that, but like I had the ability to work. I had the opportunities to go and work. Yes. There were things that we couldn't afford back then that I buy right now. There are, ─ but the important things to me, the support system that was there. And I think that that ultimately set me up for success in the grand scheme.

And yeah, we always rented. We never owned a house and moved quite a bit. I, that didn't bother me. Yeah. And I never, because of that, I never wanted the American dream. I'm not like saddled with some house that I hate or, you know, trying to chase after getting a house. I'm like, I don't fucking care. I'm perfectly, we rent here.

I'm perfectly happy with this, right? I have no issues with renting. I have no issues with moving. So again, just tying into the, the idea here that what some may perceive as struggle, it maybe is totally fine. And it depends on, on the individual. ─ So a little real talk here. I, no, I do not think that struggle is a prerequisite for success, but if we circle back a little bit and speak to the leadership side of things, kind of that Sean was speaking about, ─ yes, I do think that being able to understand, see, hear those who Support your leadership is important. ─

Thus having personally experienced some of that struggle or been where they're at would absolutely be helpful. ─ I think that folks who are born into more privilege, like the privilege, the kind of privilege where, you know, it's like fish don't know that they're wet, ─ they may need some hardship and some struggle, ─── AKA they need some things that open their eyes.

to the lived experiences of others. Honestly, white men, I'm talking to you. I know I have a good number of white men in my audience. And yes, I'm looking specifically at you. Earlier, I showed very easily how my lived experience could be very similar to ━ a heterosexual cis female who's like, I don't want to go certain places at dark.

I don't want to go certain places in general. I don't feel safe in certain places. It has been my experience ━─ that some of the things that white men say on stage as, you know, ─── you know, this is like their belief and this is something that they're like, I've had an aha moment. I think that some of those things stem from revelations that they had that merely opened their eyes to the truth. ─

to everyone else's lived experiences. ─ I tell you, I'm like really wondering, like, who started this idea of success being born from struggle? I probably should have googled it. I don't know, but then Google, is it even true? I don't know. Where did this, where did this come from, right? ────── I think that folks may view some of other people's experiences as struggle, and some of those experiences may objectively be, but we have to ask that person, do they perceive it as struggle?

But I think some of these other experiences are simply different than the born privilege Experienced by those who the system is designed for. ── All that to say, ── I don't think that we need to immediately classify these experiences as struggles. Though, again, listen to people when they say that they. ──────── So ultimately, no, to me, I do not think that struggle is a prerequisite for success.

I also think that struggle should be defined by the person in question, the person telling their story. Like they get to choose whether it's a struggle or not. ───── I think that we, on the flip side of that, have the ability to choose how we view things and how we respond to things. That list that I gave earlier of just the things that I experienced, my lived experience, that may be perceived as struggle as, as, or may be perceived as lending itself to struggle.

And I showed you how, like, I didn't view it that way. But it could be for other people. And again, listen to people when they say that, that it is. ───── Lastly, ───── working for things is not the same as, Struggling, but I do think that hard work can make you appreciate things more ─━ if ─ you're the type of person. That appreciates hard work.

It comes down to that, right? Nurture, nurture, nature, nurture. I think they're both probably at play there, you know, whether or not you appreciate hard work. But I think that's, that's the big takeaway with that and kind of the time with hard work. So I'm gonna wrap this up here. It's shorter than I thought it was gonna be. ─

But Anna, thank you for that question. You folks listening, thank you for your time. Thank you also for the readings and reviews. I know we have a few more. Um, I just, I don't, I want, I like to dedicate specific time in the episode and I'm cognizant of the time of the episode, so maybe we'll bring them in next time and read some of those, but I know we have a few of those.

Thank you. Uh, if you have any questions, any thoughts, you have any suggestions, you want to chat about this episode, you want to suggest another one, ask for a different one, I love hearing from you. So DM me, The Movement Maestro, text me 310 737 2345. ── I love hearing from you. All right. That's it. As always, endlessly, endlessly, endlessly appreciative for every single one of you.

Until next time, friends, maestro out.

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