Full Transcript: MOTM #632: When Your Success Makes You Feel Guilty

[Transcript starts at 1:57]

Hello, my podcast people, and welcome back to a another episode of My Show on the Mic, switched it up there, switched it up. So right off the bat, thank you for all the feedback from last week's episode. It clearly, I guess, maybe not clearly to you, uh, but clearly to me, cause I received the feedback. It clearly landed with you and resonated with, with quite a few of you.

Uh, so thank you for that. Thank you Thank you for reaching out. Thank you for sharing it. Um, the kind of quote cards that I have Lex make, they really landed on social media. So. If any of you are feeling like, is there a community out there that wants to see me win? Do people actually want to see other people win?

You know, do people believe that more women need to be stepping up and leading with their, their wins and not cutting themselves down to be more relatable? Yes. Absolutely. Go check out that post. Actually, Courtney, if you could link that for me, that would be amazing. Uh, and if you haven't listened to last week at last week's episode.

You can do that after you listen to this week's episode because you're already listening right now. So in last week's episode, it was all about, I think the title was Shine Bright Like a Diamond and it was all about stepping into your success, leading with your wins, sharing your wins, being confident about your wins, and not feeling the need to cut yourself down in order to be more relatable and Rupert, not now, in order to be more relatable and and, um, Uh, more palatable perhaps by others.

So in that same vein, thinking about that today and thinking about, and I think I touched on this a little bit last week's episode, why don't people want to share? What is the fear with that? And, you know, in last week's episode we spoke, I spoke about that concern about losing. Friends, right? At the end of the day, that's what people want.

They want to belong. We are a social species. So again, like I said, last week's episode, and like I just said, actually a few minutes ago, like a minute ago, go check out that the comments on. That post, because again, I know the podcast space is the wild, wild West. So you don't know necessarily who's talking about what I don't even know who's listening, but go check out the comment section of that post.

You will see there are plenty of people. They want this. They're right there with you. Now, I think that there's perhaps. Another side of this, right? One is that fear of, of loss of safety, right? That fear of loss of community. But one of the things that I, you know, I don't particularly feel that, but I do absolutely have this, I feel kind of bad that others don't have what I have.

And I don't want to say can't have, I don't know if they can or they even want it. There's definitely that kind of like, you know, I got James Olivia inquisitive human in my brain and I'm not saying that people want what I want and what people want, what I have and, you know, centering myself there, but I was out for a walk today and it was, I don't know, it was the middle of the day.

Sometimes I go out just to get some sun between calls and it's really cool. One of the things I love about living here is that, you know, it's There are a lot of people who work from home. There are a lot of people who have like non traditional, seemingly non traditional schedules, non traditional jobs and things like that.

So I'm walking, there's this one house that I love. They have, they have a gladiator, which is the jeep truck. They have one of those in the driveway. I'm still not sure how I feel about it, but the house itself and like the gladiator, it's like very kind of cool vibe. They oftentimes have their garage door open and you can see inside and their gym isn't as nice but it is nice.

It's a bit more like Kind of on the modern side of things, they have like a tonal unit and like, it's just, you know, I, I haven't seen, uh, what are those by a Peloton in there yet, but I wouldn't be surprised. It's a kind of house like that, but as I'm walking by, there were two dudes working out there talking about something and, you know, there's people in the road, they don't, there was, uh, people doing some landscaping, people walking their dogs.

And so people are out in the day and I love it. I love to see that I'm not the only one doing it and that people are finding ways to live, you know, create and live the life that they want. But whenever I have these moments of feeling so good, and typically when the sun is on me, cause I'm just like a different person, I'm like a better human when the sun's on me, the sun is on me and I'm walking down the street in the middle of the day.

I definitely have this moment of guilt, this moment of feeling bad. I don't want to, I'm not even going to go super deep into like guilt and what it means. You want to go and like read Brene Brown stuff. I hear it's really good about that. I haven't read all really any of her stuff, but, uh, guilt and shame and those things going are in there, but I definitely feel bad in some way, shape or form.

And I just want. Everyone else to have the ability to, to have, you know, to have those options. If they want to be able to walk around in the middle of the day. I don't know if they want to be able to work all day. That's, that's fine too. I just want people to have free, free agency, free choice. So as a side note, if you didn't know.

If Jill hasn't told you, uh, I have big feels. I, I am a very big feeling person, but I make my decisions based on reason and time. Trying to be very rational with things. I'm not basing my decisions and making decisions from a very emotional place, but I do have incredibly big feels and I'll just like be sitting there and suddenly be like, Oh my God, Rupert used to be in a crate and just like a wave of emotion comes over me.

So this is the kind of things I'm walking outside. If any of that resonates with you, I have that too. I feel that too. I'm walking outside and I'm just. So happy about things. And then I'm kind of like, I feel bad, feel kind of guilty. It'd be guilty might not even be the right word, but I think that that's kind of what comes to mind.

And it's kind of, if you're shooting from the hip, that kind of comes out quickly, but I feel bad. I, the, the, the thought that I can, or the reality that I get to make my own hours. And then again, I also know from a very rational perspective, I've worked hard in order to get to this. place to be able to make my own hours.

But still, again, I want that agency for everyone or that, you know, that ability to choose what their day looks like. If I take a step back and approach it from that rational perspective, I realize that me feeling bad and therefore stopping myself from enjoying whatever that thing is, a few things come out of that.

All right. So if I was like, Oh my God, I feel so bad about this. And I just like, was like, I feel guilty. I'm not going to go outside or I'm not going to enjoy this. Or I'm not going to do this as much. One, nothing. Changes for those other people who don't have that scenario. Right. And we know this is something I've talked about before.

And then I know that, you know, already that you trying to suffer more or you hiding your joy, doesn't do anything to improve or increase the joy of those around you or those who you're hoping to help. Second point here is that far more good, far more change will come from me actually enjoying these things and using, if you want to consider it privilege, using that, using those things.

To not only inspire others with my actions, I've talked about this in the past, and that's one thing where like you showing up, you going living your best life, you, you know, figuring out ways that you can go for walks in the middle of the day that will absolutely inspire others to do the same. It gives others permission that they didn't need, but that they were probably looking for to do the same.

So there's that part, but I think the bigger part I was thinking about this today is that. If you stopped enjoying this, if you withhold this joy and these wins from yourself, you cannot inspire yourself to actually want to help others. Right? So hear me out on this. If you're not actually enjoying this thing, you're not experiencing this thing.

You stop caring about this thing. And if you stop caring about this thing, there's no way, shape, or form that you're going to want to fight for it for anybody else. So whether it's something like, you know, you work from home and you realize how nice that is and how much agency that is. If you take that away from yourself and you don't even celebrate those wins, you stop caring about that.

If in some way, shape, or form. You have the opportunity to help others gain that you're not going to do shit about it because you actually no longer care about it. So in, you know, in terms of the value of actually allowing yourself to enjoy these things, to celebrate these things, to experience these things.

I said in the past podcast, I've said it before. One, yes, your actions will. inherently inspire others to, to do the, to do their version of that thing. You suffering, you stopping yourself from experiencing the joy does nothing to make those people feel any more joy. But the, the, the bigger thing here, which is really what I was thinking about today and why I made this episode is that if you don't.

Allow yourself to actually live in that moment, experience that moment, internalize that moment, care about that moment, care about those, those wins. You will never care enough to fight for them for anybody else. So if you are feeling some sort of way about the privilege you have, about the wins that you have, and perhaps feeling bad about others, I'm sure we could dissect that.

And to me, it's not about putting myself above others and being like, well, my life is so great. And, and it's kind of like weird fricking like hierarchy of things to me, you know, my big thing and having big feels. Is that I want everyone to have that autonomy, that agency, and a lot of those options within their life.

The ability to choose whatever their happiness looks like. Uh, there's an article I read about that and how happiness is subjective. So you can never say who's happier because it is 100 percent subjective and the things that make people happy are subjective for me, I simply want everyone to have the ability to go after.

whatever it is that makes them happy. Now, could I, you know, could, could James Olivia perhaps sit here and dissect that and tear that apart and be like, you are having some fuckery there, some relational fuckery there, perhaps, but as it relates to the walk I went on this morning and, and, and thinking about the things I want those who want to have those things.

To be able to have those things. And by those things, I mean, you know, the autonomy, the agency, to be able to make those decisions, to walk in the middle of the day or whatever. So perhaps that is a better way of saying it. Not necessarily that I want it for everyone. I want it for those who want it for themselves.

That I think James Olivia would be okay with. As it relates to the kind of tactical side of this and why all those thoughts go through my head and I'm trying to, you know. Be rational about things and rationalize things. I had, uh, I had Emily Reed come in and speak to the mafia. Uh, she is seasonal intentions underscore on Instagram.

I had her come in and speak to the mafia about seasons and seasonality and change and, and the bigger picture. And so this is actually a concept, um, that she just spoke about. And I was like, I love this. We were talking about fear and kind of removing fear. And in this case, we've been talking about guilt and kind of removing the guilt and the things that, I should actually back up.

We talked about fear and identifying the fear. And in this case, today, right now we're talking about guilt and identifying perhaps the cause of the guilt or the cause of why you might be feeling bad. The goal. with the things that I say and I'm thinking about is not actually to necessarily remove or like permanently eradicate that guilt.

Like, I think that, I don't know, we have some of that compassion just inherently. And, you know, part of you is just like, I want people to have the things that they want. And perhaps you feel bad if you think that they don't, and you don't have the opportunity to discuss with them if they do or don't, and you just kind of think about that and your brain kind of goes there.

I think that some of that is just inherent and, and, and natural. So when I'm having these thoughts, my goal isn't to permanently stop myself from feeling bad ever. As you know, drawing from what Emily said, my goal is to bring me back to the present moment, give me agency, give me the ability to actually do something and then present options, present possibilities besides that one thought that I have.

So it is, you know, we're talking about fear and oftentimes people go to, you know, what's your, we've talked about like, what's your, your biggest fear right now. Um, We only have this one train of thought, and it's that thing, typically something in the future that we have control over. It's just that one thing, the drills and discussions that we were having in the mafia and the same way I'm presenting these ideas to you is not so that you don't have that fear.

It's never going to come back. It's not so that you don't have that guilt and you never feel it. Cause I think that's impossible. It's simply to bring you back to the moment. Give you that agency, give you actual tactical things to be able to do, and then present possibility, present options beside that, you know, perhaps catastrophic one that you're seeing, or that really guilt laden, you know, option that you're seeing and realizing that there are other ways to view the situation.

Okay. So circling back to the kind of tactical, technical, uh, concepts. And, you know, we're just talking about the other possibilities, other way to view things. The big thing that really came to mind, uh, is that if you don't allow yourself to experience those wins, if you don't allow yourself to celebrate those wins, if you don't allow yourself to actualize those wins, internalize to actually experience that joy.

You stop caring about it. And if your goal is to help others, you know, realize their joy, you're not going to do it because you're just not going to give a fuck. That is, that is like the most blunt way to say it. So for those of you that perhaps feel some sort of way about your success, about your wins.

Let that be a little bit of food for thought. Spoke about it last week in terms of, you know, finding that community that, that is going to lift you up and isn't going to say, you know, try to cut you down, right? Because those people that cut you down, they're doing it. For the same reason that you're not saying things, right?

It's about community. They're, they are scared that you're going away. You're leaving them, that they're alone. They're going to be alone, or that other people are going to be the same way. And like, Oh, if this person does this stuff, maybe other people think like that. And I don't think like that. And that's too much for me.

That's too hard. So let me just attack it. Let me just try and cut it down. Let me just try and put that fire out. So this person stays here with me on this level and I'm not alone. This is the same reason, if you really dig deep as to why, you know, you don't want to share things because we don't want to be isolated or isolating.

We don't want to say things that perhaps then others are going to push us away. Especially if you don't realize that. other people like you are out there, especially if you don't realize that other people out there actually want to see you win. So again, I will refer back to that post because there's so many comments and the people, they exist.

I see them all the time. I talk to them all the time. They're out there. So if that is the concern, it's valid. Refer back to the last episode, refer back to that post as it relates to. Feeling some kind of way, feeling, you know, bad, feeling some, some guilt. The big thing that I want to, that I would like for you to hear in this episode and take away from this episode is that if you don't allow yourself to experience the thing, you can't care about the thing.

And if you don't care about the thing, you will never fight for it for other people, if that is your goal. If you're like, fuck other people, well then ignore this whole episode. But if that is part of it, because the guilt is like, other people don't have this and, uh, caring about it is what's going to allow you to fight for it for other people.

And again, I think it's really important to say this. It's not about trying to force your beliefs, your version of happiness, your exact lifestyle on anyone. For me, it's about having that agency, having that autonomy. Being able to choose and do what I want and believe what I want. Act in the ways, you know, I have the choice to walk in the middle of the day.

For me, that's what I want to live by the beach. I don't want to live near the cold. These are all things that I, that I'm able to choose. If I don't allow myself to enjoy them, I will never fight for that same kind of concept, freedom, if you will, for other people. I'm looking at the notes and that's all I got for you.

That is, that is literally it. Oh, one announcement actually. Next week's, this is gonna go out on, look at the calendar, this is gonna go out on the 28th which means that next Monday will be November 1st that is the first Monday of the month so there will be a long episode coming out and that episode's gonna be with Amanda Schultz.

It's actually super, super stoked about that episode. Uh, I think I've mentioned it before. She is someone who listens to the podcast and oftentimes I throw out there. I'm like, I have no idea who listens and she took it upon herself. She wrote an email. She wrote, you know, reached out to me. I was like, Hey, I listened to your podcast.

Here's a little bit about me. And her life is truly, truly fascinating. And I think it's got actually her story, uh, the decisions she's making, the turns that, that she's, you know. That have, that have occurred, the turn she's taken, uh, just, I think so much of it is going to resonate with you and, and creating her best life.

It is, the episode is, is largely her story about creating her best life. Thus, you know, up until end up until present day. Uh, and then at the end, we talk about, you know, perhaps what could be next, but it's an episode that was really, I just walked away from it, just feeling so rejuvenated and just nourished.

It was a really, really dope episode. So I hope that you will tune into that. I know that it's a bit easier to digest and consume. I, that's a word, it's a bit easier to consume. I got like nourished in there and I got all these like eating kind of words. It's a bit easier to consume. Uh, those shorter episodes, these shorter episodes.

Thank you for the feedback that you liked the length as well. Uh, but if you have some time, it's about an hour, give that episode a listen. All right. Looking at the board, Rupert's over here meowing at me. I do believe that is it for today's episode. As always, endlessly, endlessly, endlessly appreciative for every single one of you.

Until next time, friends, Maestro, out.

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