[Transcription starts at 1:14]
Hello, hello, hello, my podcast people and welcome to the Thanksgiving episode. Right off the bat, thank you. Thank you for my viewers, you're watching this. My listeners. Thank you. I am so grateful for each and every one of you, and I know I start off every episode like, you know, like that saying that because it's true and that is actually what today's episode is about.
So whether you celebrate Thanksgiving or not, I think that there's something in this episode for you. Every Thanksgiving that rolls around I'm reminded of a quote that I share on Canadian Thanksgiving, which is: When you have more than you need, build a bigger table, not a higher fence. And I don't know when I first heard this, and by heard I mean read cuz of course I read it on Instagram at some point.
But I love it. It just speaks to how I wanna live life and you know, how I've been able to…how things have evolved and changed and grown and how I'm living life now. And that's what I wanna talk about in this episode. So, I hate using this phrase of I get asked, you know, so many people ask me, I hate that.
Like it's this influencer speak that kind of has stripped the language of any value. But I do get asked, “How are you so happy?” And when I put up question boxes on Instagram, that has been a, uh, some iteration of that has been a question of, you know, tips for being happy or how you stay so you're happy.
And then most recently, my girl Holly was like, “Are you always this happy?” I shared a story of me, uh, you know, leaving the beach and stuff with my knee. I am so thankful. Things with my knee are great. I'm realizing now that I haven't given an update most recently in the most recent episode. Um, but things are great.
Uh, last Sunday I went, or not last Sunday, excuse me, last Thursday, so a week ago, went out to the beach for the first time with my coach, Steven. Love that guy. I am so grateful for him. He's literally the best coach I've ever had. And I went out and just did some, got some reps with him and did some lateral movement and the next day woke up,
my knee was fine. And I'm not quite back to playing yet cuz it's, you know, less of a controlled atmosphere. But it was so good to be out there. And, uh, the, the cuffs, the BFR cuffs from Smart Tools are in. I'm gonna bring Nick, he's the owner, onto the podcast at some point. Um, but if you follow me on Instagram, you can follow all my Stories and I'll be doing more there.
Um, but I was leaving the beach, Holly messaged and was like, “Are you always this happy?” And I was like [gesture], “Or are you ever not in a good mood?” And I was like, you know, I really am in a place now where I'm pretty much always happy. And that's because I control the controllables and practice gratitude. And it's really easy to practice gratitude at this point, and that's what I wanna speak about in this episode.
I can, I can say with full certainty that I haven't always been like this. I do believe that I have a bit more of a disposition perhaps than other people to be able to see the positive. Just like a happier disposition. I think that anyone who's been around kids, I mean, watched them grow up, like when anyone has kids, you can see that where just people are different and some people are just, you know, more have, have that general disposition.
Um, but I can definitely say that when I was in New York City, especially towards the end of my time in New York City, I wasn't this happy. Uh, and I was working towards it. And moving to, to California was life-changing for me. And there were steps before that and getting my job with, with rock tape and things like that.
But there was a time when I was in New York City I was like, I definitely wasn't happy. And I, I feel very affected by the weather and it would be cold there. Um, but now I am truly, truly thankful. I am truly grateful, and I have the opportunity, the ability, the, you know, calmness in my nervous system to actually practice gratitude.
Uh,and I almost hesitate to say that, and when I was planning this episode out I was trying to think of the right words there, or better words, or more accurate words because in saying that I am now in a position where I can honestly practice gratitude, I don't wanna imply that you need a lot, or you need a lot in order to practice gratitude or that you have to wait to be happy or that, any of those things.
But I will say that I am not the saint that is like I can have nothing and be super happy. I am happy because I don't have nothing. I'm happy because I do have so many things and I am grateful for the things that I have. So maybe that's the both and, but you know, I, I was sitting with that part of the episode and, and outlining it and I was just like, you know what?
We're gonna record it and hopefully people give me grace. And they're, you know, it is what it is. So, as per always I went on the old Google to get some definitions. It helps when I'm outlining episodes, when I'm trying to make arguments and having arguments in my head, um, with myself to go on Google, define these words, and then kind of compare it as well to like how we colloquially define things and see if they, they match.
But gratitude, definition: The quality of being, thankful, readiness to show, appreciation for and to return kindness. Grateful: Feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; thankful. And then thankful: Pleased and relieved. That one seemed a little weird, but suffice to say, they are all interconnected and when people are just like, you know, “Practice gratitude, be thankful, be grateful.”
Yes, I agree. I think that those are at the heart of happiness. It's the happiness hack, but, y'all know I like to give you some action steps. So that's what I wanna do in this episode. We started off in expressing gratitude and, and being thankful and expressing that the thanks that I have for all of you.
Cause I really do, like I get to create content for a living! And connect with all of you. And it's just, it's amazing to me. Like, yeah, there's some, uh, growing pains right now with the podcast in terms of making it on YouTube. If you're watching on YouTube, you can see me, uh, you see the new carpet that…actually can't really see the new carpet, changed the angle.
But either way, I got new carpet, working on the sound. But all these growing pains and things like that, and I'm grateful to have these growing pains. Like it's, it's amazing to me like, what a time to be alive. We're gonna get into that. Uh, but if we get into the tactical side of things, how do we practice gratitude?
How do we get to a place where we can choose happiness? Cause it is a choice. So for me, to me, whatever you wanna say, my definition of success is being able to do what I want, when I want, with whoever I want, for as long as I want. Right? One more time, my definition of success: Being able to do what I want, when I want, with whoever I want, for as long as I want.
Now it is implied that these things must be mine, right? These must be my choices. They're things that I want, not somebody wants for me; that I want them. And thereby those things, having those things, being able to do those things, would make me happy. So for me, in terms of the action item, I started off, I tell this story a lot:
I started off by identifying what I didn't want, when I didn't wanna be doing things, who I didn't wanna be doing it with, and writing it. I literally wrote it out. I wrote a list. And this was back when I was in New York City and I was like, I do not wanna walk to work in the snow. I don't wanna wake up when it's dark and then go home when it's dark.
I don't wanna have the Sunday scaries on Friday. I don't wanna be dreading my job. I don't wanna celebrate when someone cancels. I didn't want any of that. Those things. And if we stop there with the list, that's problematic, right? We're just, I don't want these things. It's, I don't want these things, and now what?
Right? So I wrote all that list out and then I worked to cross one thing off at a time and I started off with the easiest thing to cross off, um, which was actually asking to change my schedule so that I could have four 10 hour days and then I would have Friday to like do other stuff and I could wake up later on those days.
I ended up hating that just because, for me then everything got compressed into four days, and then on Friday I was like, I'm dead. But I wouldn't have known that if I didn't, you know, put that into play and, and, and ask for that change and start to work to cross things off the list. Ultimately, I ended up leaving that job, which may happen, folks. That, that maybe what, what happens for you, you end up actually having to cut certain things out.
But that is how we build happiness. That is how we introduce space and create space so that the things that we love and enjoy can fill in and then it's that much easier to practice gratitude for those things, right? It will require you to say, no. And I am learning that this is very difficult for, for people, especially folks who are, you know, raised female and, and socialized female.
Like it can be really, really difficult, but at the end of the day, you're not doing anyone a service by saying yes to shit that you hate, and you can, you know, look to dig at it and get really cerebral and figure out why you do this and all that stuff. And that's awesome. Go ahead. But the end of the day, you're gonna have to just say no, and that is what it is.
Action is the an, the answer, the antidote that that works too, right? Action is the answer. Action is the antidote. It is incredibly difficult to be thankful and grateful when you are doing shit that you don't wanna be doing. And to be grateful and thankful for shit that you don't want. This is the value of saying no and being like, no, I actually don't want that,
and creating space for the things that you do want. You don't have to even know what you want. You don't have to know it. And I have learned, as well, that many people don't know necessarily what they want. Cause they never been asked, they never had the space for it. But when you create that space, those things will fill in, right?
Time is finite. And so if you take things away, things will fill in only to a certain point, and typically it's gonna be the things that you are happy about, that you actually like. Cuz we're getting rid. It's addition by subtraction. We're getting rid of the bad stuff, creating room for the good stuff, or for other stuff,
and you can choose if you want it or not, and it has to be yours of course. And then it makes it that much easier to be thankful for it. To practice gratitude and to choose happiness. There is so much value though, this is the flip side, but there's so much value in having done stuff that you don't wanna do and that you didn't like because then you have that barometer.
You're like, I didn't like that. I know what I don't like. Humans are fantastic in that regard. We know what we don't like. We know what we've already done. Right. And when you can identify that, then it becomes that much easier to be like, I know what I don't like and by, you know, comparison, I know that I do like this.
And then you have the opportunity and the chance to celebrate. Which I get in and of itself is a task for certain people, especially when it's celebrating themselves. But you can start with external things and celebrating other people, right? And celebrating the weather. You, y'all know I be celebrating the weather every day.
Then I cry when it rains. I don't, I don't hide it. I am elementally, wimpy. It is what it is. But you are, you know, you know damn well I'm gonna be celebrating that sun when it's out. It's a beautiful day right now. Probably head out after this. Go for a walk. Choosing that happiness. To me, happiness is a choice.
Happiness is something that you must actively choose. And because of that, in my opinion, happiness is something that you can actually practice and get better at. I actually have a, it's not a picture, it's like a piece of art, if you will. I got it from Habitat for Humanity. You can get really good stuff there.
I got my printer from there. $27. Best, $27 I've ever spent. It's like a laser printer. It's amazing. Y'all know I love my printer as well, uh, but I have the piece of art and it says, create your own type of happiness or create your own kind of happiness, something. You think I'd know, but also it's one of the things that's like kind of benign
cause it's in the hallway, you just walk past it and you like have a feeling from it. But I don't like memorize it. I'll probably, I'll see if I can put it in the, uh, I'll see if I can put it in the video if you're watching it on YouTube and it'll appear next to my head or something like that. I'm gonna point and then boop, it'll pop up.
Uh, pretty cool that we can do these kind of things. Uh, but I guess that's a good segue. It's pretty cool we can do these kind of things! I'm, I'm on this video, if you're watching it, or you're listening to it, it's fine, and I can edit this thing and I can make pictures pop up next to where my finger is.
It's amazing! Like what a time to be alive. We are able to do things now in like 30 seconds that it would take like 30 days and an entire team, or entire agency, for folks to do like in the sixties. If we think back to Mad Men and, and how that worked. Like what a time to be alive! Now my ability to see that and think of that, I think is a skill.
I think, again, some people are more predisposed to thinking like that and seeing the good, and I think other people are a bit more predisposed to seeing the bad and their circumstances may lend them to, you know, seeing the bad. Cuz life can be really, really tough. So I think that, you know, with the action items that I, I presented before, the whole goal is, to create that environment that makes it that much easier for you to practice gratitude.
That makes it that much easier for you to celebrate things. And of course, at the heart of this is your personal enough, right? We are living in a society where it's like more, more, more, more, more. What is happening on Twitter? Like Elon…can we all agree that billionaires like shouldn't exist? Like what?
Like I don't even…what? That no one person should be able to just come in and just literally like tear down an entire social network. Like what? That is mind blowing to me. We live in this time where more, more, more and more, more. And I don't even hesitate to say that billionaires shouldn't exist. I feel like people that celebrate billionaires are folks that are, like, they themselves want to be a billionaire at some point.
So they're like, “Well, we have to celebrate it cause otherwise then I can't get to it.” And it's like no one needs that! Endless abundance is not real. It's fake, right? When you have more than you need, you build a bigger table. You don't build a higher wall and break down freaking networks, social networks, like what?
So despite living in a time where we're taught more and more, and more, more, more, we can look to actively choose to see what we do already have, instead of what you know is 10 steps ahead. What do we have right now? Let's flip the script. Let's celebrate these things. And again, that's part of the, the benefit of having like, perhaps been in situations where you're like, “I didn't like what I had,
I didn't like living there.” Cool. And then you, you cross things off and you made some moves, you made some changes, and now you can, you could truly be happy by it. Like, “Yo, I'm not in that situation. I have this right now and I don't need to compare it to everyone else's stuff cuz this is my personal enough.”
And goddamn, I'm so grateful. I am so incredibly grateful every day to wake up. And I love my bed, and I love my room, and I love my apartment, and I love my Rupert, and I love my office, and just, I love my people. I'm incredibly, incredibly, incredibly grateful for it. And that I believe is at the heart of happiness, right?
Can you flip the script and see all that you do have, and maybe you have to take some steps cause you're in a place where you're like, “Man, I don't like what I have.” And it's, it's not safe. I don't know. Some people are not in good situations. But you know, for those of you that have more opportunity, can we flip that script?
Can we put some things in place? Ask for help. Reach out to me if I can connect you with anybody, I will. Like, I, I want happiness for those who want it. And if I can help you, I promise, I will. So to circle back to the beginning of the question, the beginning of the question, the beginning of the episode and the question that I do get asked, “How am I so happy?”
I think part of it, yes, it's partly just disposition. Part of it is privilege. I was born in an amazing place. Like I didn't grow up rich by any means, but things could have been way worse, right? I went to college. I went to grad school. I have a lot of privilege and I think that ties into the third part, is
choosing to actively see the things that I have and choosing to actively be grateful for each and every one of them. All right, I, I think that's it. If you're listening in the morning, then maybe you're gonna go and eat some Thanksgiving food. Folks be eating hella early, right? Some people eat at two o'clock, three o'clock, whatever.
It's your day. No judgment. I will be in Pennsylvania with my sister, my brother, uh, my one brother's gonna be back in uh, California. He's in the Marines. Ash is gonna be there. My mom will be there. My grandmother will be there. Like eleventy billion dogs will be there. My sister is the host and her husband, and they got the two kids.
And it's just, it's gonna be amazing. And I wish you all a phenomenal day, a phenomenal Thanksgiving, whether you celebrate or not. I wish you a phenomenal Thursday, whatever day this is, when you're listening to it. I wish you happiness. I wish you gratitude. I wish you thankfulness, and thank you for being in my corner.
Until next time, friends, Maestro out.